
Qass. 
Book. 



PROTESTANT 



CONVERTED TO CATHOLICITY 



BIBLE AND PRAYER BOOK. 



MRS. FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 



PHILADELPHIA : 
HENRY M'GRATH, No. 1 SOUTH EIGHTH STREET 

1847. 







^ 



King & Baird, Printers. 



DEDICATION. 



TO THE RIGHT REV. DR. GILLIS, BISHOP OF 
LIMYRA, COADJUTOR VICAR APOSTOLIC 
OF THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF SCOTLAND. 

My Dear Lord — From the circum- 
stance of your having admitted me into 
the Catholic Church, and having^been 
a powerful instrument in leading me 
into truth, I am induced to address to 
your Lordship the following brief ac- 
count of my conversion, as a little of- 
fering of my gratitude — little indeed, 



nevertheless, watered with many tears, 
and recommended to God by many 
prayers. May I hope it will not only 
be acceptable to yourself, but also 
prove salutary to others. 

You know, my dear Lord, the boon 
I have received — you know something 
of the burstings of my overjoyed soul, 
but you cannot know (having inherited 
your holy faith) the rapture, the bliss 
of being converted and newly adopted 
to this life-giving truth when the under- 
standing is ripe, and capable in some 
degree of appreciating the treasure. 
St. Mary Magdalen could, perhaps, 
describe it, or the Lepers who felt the 
loathsome disease depart, as health 
came back, but for me, my Lord, there 
is no relief but to sit down and pen 



this little account, not so much with the 
idea of making it public, as simply to 
relieve myself, in the hope of its one 
day becoming a medium of addressing 
those I love best upon the subject, and 
whose applications to me have been 
made without number, to be informed 
of the reasons, that led to my conver- 
sion. 

To neglect to reply to these inquiries 
I dare not, and yet, a life would be 
too short to answer them all as I 
should wish. The account, however, 
put in this form, will be a ready reply 
to all; and oh! my Lord, feeble as 
the effort is, you, who know the value 
of even one soul, and the numbers 
who, like myself, are inquiring for 
truth, from a source whence they never 



can get it, will not chide me for simply 
telling the truth, although by so doing 
I am very well aware of the pain I 
must inflict on your charitable heart, 
at the unavoidable reference to some 
characters therein alluded to. Yes, I 
know you will be distressed at it, but 
be assured, my Lord, we are mutual 
sufferers on that point, for I am truly 
distressed at it myself. But when, I 
would ask your Lordship, is the ac- 
ceptable offering without sacrifice? 
Most truly I must calculate on con- 
siderable sacrifice, but when such 
thoughts depress me, I think of my 
former danger, and of my narrow es- 
cape. Only think, my Lord, had these 
well-meaning but deceived gentlemen, 
only dealt a little more cautiously, a 



little more reasonably with me, I might 
have been lost to truth for ever. But 
blessed be God, their dealings with 
me, ended all my ramblings in the dark. 
It might not be so, however, with 
others. Shall I, therefore, to spare 
those poor deluded men (towards whom 
I feel nothing but gratitude) neglect 
to warn others ? 

My Lord, believe me, I have 
mourned over the distance between us, 
which prevented me having your par- 
ticular advice upon this matter; but I 
have thought it well over, and every 
day I neglect "to throw in my mite," 
by telling how I was led to truth, I 
expect to be judged at every step I 
take. Had I had you near me to cor- 
rect and revise, truly this little work 



10 

would have been a different affair ; but 
perhaps, my Lord, it is better as it is. 
I am nobody, and consequently there 
is nobody to blame. You could not 
have touched it, without your pen tell- 
ing upon itself, whereas it is now un- 
garnished truth, and when that will 
fail to reach the heart, it can be set 
down as beneath notice, which advan- 
tage it would not have possessed, had 
you meddled with it at all. Accept, 
therefore, my dear Lord, this little 
tribute from a heart overflowing with 
gratitude, both to God as the first 
great cause, and also to yourself, and 
the other individuals, whom He used 
as instruments to deliver me from 
doubt and inconsistency, and safely 
lodge me in His own most glorious 



11 

Church, " without spot or wrinkle, or 
any such thing," where truth speaks 
for itself, and the peace of her children 
knows no uneasiness. 

Allow me, therefore, to implore your 
Lordship's prayers and blessing upon 
this narrative, and believe me in all 
sincerity your Lordship's truly in- 
debted and thankful child in Christ, 

FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
Jpril, 1845. 



PREFACE. 



With the truest sincerity, humility, and 
natural timidity, I take up my pen, to trace 
for the first time in my life, liries that are to 
meet the public eye. I have done my best 
to argue myself out of such a project — I 
have felt and urged upon myself my utter 
inability for the task — I have left no method 
untried by which I might frighten myself 
out of it. My efforts are in vain. I feel 
urged on by an influence I have no power 
to control, and I feel utterly regardless of the 
personal contempt and scorn, I may most 
justly expose myself to from my attempt. 
The effort must be made, let the result be 
what it may ; not that I am regardless of 
consequences, when I can and ought to 
avoid them ; but my present effort I feel to 
be of such vast importance, if I only suc- 
ceed, so as to bear a message to one dear 
2 



14 

soul, that all nice feelings, all fears of per- 
sonal inability, all doubts as to the results it 
may produce, all, and every thing are to 
be disregarded, and cast aside. 

At once, therefore, I go to my task, keep- 
ing in mind, as a stimulant, those most com- 
forting words to me, who feel so completely 
nothing : — " The foolish things of the world 
hath God chosen, that He may confound 
the wise ; and the weak things of the world 
hath God chosen, that He may confound 
the strong. And the base things of the 
world, and the things that are contemptible, 
hath God chosen, and things that are not, 
that He might might bring to nought things 
that are." It may not be forbidden me 
here to hope, that He will not refuse me 
His aid, in an effort that has nothing to 
recommend it, but as far as it is intended, 
for His greater glory, and the advancement 
of His truth. Nor will it have ought to 
boast of, save the simplicity, truth and sin- 
cerity, which will dictate every line. With 
the learned and great I have nothing to do, 
but I do feel I have a message to every 



15 

humble and sincere Protestant, who values 
the salvation of his precious and immortal 
soul ; and that message to the best of my 
ability I will deliver. It is simply this — I 
feel, that to many I owe a reason for having, 
in the short space of one month, abjured 
the faith in which I was reared and lived, 
and lived not as many do, with only the 
name of Christianity, and without any vital 
principle within ; but upon the testimony of 
others, which I have " in black and white," 
I am able to say, I was a sincere Protestant, 
believing I possessed the truth of God, or at 
least that I was in the church where it was 
to be found, having sought it earnestly and 
with many tears ; caring for nothing else in 
comparison, for at least the last twelve years 
of my life. Persevering in the search of 
truth, by the grace of God, I suddenly find 
it lies, not where I had formerly conceived, 
but in a church, which I had been taught 
from my cradle to believe as the sink of all 
iniquity, the concentration of all error and 
untruth — even in this church I discover, that 
the infallible truth of God lies — that truth 



16 

which declares itself to be of God, and 
leaves the soul that has been searching for 
it so long and so earnestly, though not for 
a moment conceiving where it was to be 
found, so ravished with its beauty and its 
security ', as to be almost unfit to declare it to 
others, lest it should be said, as was of those 
of old, when influenced by Divine power — 
■* Those men are full of new wine !" 

The grace being given, I entered this faith, 
which I had sought so long with my whole 
heart, and in embracing it, I enjoy a peace 
I never knew before ; a certainty I had in 
vain striven to attain as a Protestant — daily 
and hourly means of serving God, which no 
Protestant need hope for, since his church 
thinks one day out of seven sufficient to de- 
vote to God, or at least to go to the trouble 
of public service to Him — having all this, I 
feel a burning desire to tell it to all — to every 
one; and they can judge for themselves 
from the reasons I shall give, whether or not 
they be sufficient for the change. 

To each and every beloved member of 
my own family I address myself in particu- 



17 

lar, as also to each individual of that Pro- 
testant circle, to which but a short time since 
I belonged ; yes, and even to every Protest- 
ant, whose eye may fall on these lines, and 
who is as I was, serving God to the best of 
his ability, according to the rule of faith in- 
herited from his parents, in sincerity desiring 
to serve God as he requires even to the sa- 
crifice of all selfish and worldly interest — 
to such and for their sakes only do' I pen 
these lines. 

To many it may be my privilege to com- 
municate, in person, the reasons of this 
great change, but alas, to those who are 
most endeared, and most closely connected, 
I fear not ! The beloved child once honoured 
with her parents' unlimited confidence and 
love, has by this act forfeited all claim to 
either ; she whose word and example were 
once upheld, must now bear to be told she 
is incapable of judging aright on any subject. 
Well, be it so — all this and ten times more 
1 can and will bear from such dear ones, 
who after all are only pronouncing the very 
words I should myself have uttered hitherto. 



18 

But if the privilege of explaining to these 
precious souls the reasons of my change be 
denied me, it surely behoves me to try and 
put them in a form by which I may hope 
sooner or later to acquaint them of these 
reasons. God deals differently with different 
people, and why I have become a Catholic 
may not be why another would so. The 
following simple detail is therefore penned 
only for those who may be circumstanced 
as I myself was, without "either learning, 
talent, or any uncommon share of brains, 
(for had any of these been necessary to ferret 
out truth from Catholicity, I should never 
have been a Catholic,) but with only a suffi- 
cient quantity of humility to feel it possible 
I might be wrong, and a very earnest desire 
to be right ; trusting to the truth of God's 
promise, that those who seek shall find, and 
feeling sure I should be right sooner or later 
if I persevered to seek. I did so, and having 
sought, I am at last able to say I have found, 
yes, all that any one could desire — all that 
my soul required ! Now, as I know there are 
numbers, who care for nothing compared to 



19 

the salvation of their soul, and who feel the 
value of that rule of faith which teaches 
them they are to search for truth; (thereby 
implying the possibility that they may not 
already possess it), and who therefore need 
only to be told where truth is, that they 
may instantly embrace it, to them my heart 
yearns, and for them I will make the effort 
of putting my reasons on paper. But should 
these lines meet the eye of any learned Pro- 
testant, who detects in them defects of style 
or composition, let him cast them aside, as 
utterly unworthy of his criticism, and spare 
them, remembering they come only from a 
woman, and were never meant to display 
either talent or learning, but only to affect 
the heart, in as far as they have truth to 
support them. 



A PROTESTANT 

CONVERTED TO CATHOLICITY 

BY HER 

BIBLE AND PRAYER BOOK. 



Early in February, 1842, under the good 
Providence of God, I left Dublin an humble 
but zealous Protestant, to make a visit to a 
lady, a friend of mine in Edinburgh (my 
husband being in India). She and I had 
met in India, where we held the same faith, 
but by the power of Him, who willeth and 
no man can hinder it, she was converted to 
the Catholic faith, between our parting in 
India the previous December, and our meet- 
ing in Edinburgh. However, that had no- 
thing to do with our friendship, except as it 
might make her love me better. I had got 
a slight inkling of her change previous to 



22 

my going to her, though not certain infor- 
mation, however, sufficient to arm myself 
with all the weapons I could collect from 
our Protestant armory — books pronounced 
to be by a clerical friend " the cream" of 
argument against Catholicity, together with 
personal instructions on different points. 
Thus assisted, I started, earnestly imploring 
I might be made the humble instrument of 
leading my friend back to truth, little think- 
ing the prayer I offered so earnestly for 
another's benefit, would be so graciously 
returned into my own soul. A very short 
time after my arrival, I endured the heart 
sickening every Protestant feels on hearing, 
for a certainty, that one of their own faith 
had been converted to Catholicity. It im- 
parts a sorrow that is as much without hope, 
as that which one feels for the dead, at least 
as regards the hope of seeing them back 
again, where they were before. However, 
I was not going to yield to despair, until I 
had first exhausted the ammunition I had 
in store. Besides the books I had bought, 
I conceived I myself understood the doctrine 



23 

of Catholicity ; at least I knew I had heard 
enough of it to be perfectly satisfied it was 
utterly horrible, and that to embrace it, one 
must have entirely lost every proper feeling 
of what was just and good. Besides, coming 
from a Catholic city, as Dublin might almost 
be called, I felt I could assert with boldness 
all the abominations of this faith ; not that 
1 had ever personally experienced or wit- 
nessed any of its baneful results, or derived 
my Catholic knowledge from Catholics—no, 
but every one agreed that nothing could be 
more horrible than the Catholic faith was, 
and I thought so too. Moreover, I had read 
dreadful things of it, and I thought of course, 
what I read in print was true, {especially 
as the author was some celebrated Pro- 
testant), and so, I am certain, think the 
great majority of Protestants every where. 
But more just and liberal light has since 
dawned upon me, as I pray God, it may 
ere long on many, who need but the veil 
taken from their eyes, the prejudices of their 
early faith removed, the hint given that the 
Catholic Church is the true Church of Christ, 



24 

and the means of learning what the Catho- 
lic faith really is, presented to them. This 
done, the speediest means of bringing these 
persons into this Church without delay, is 
just to place in their hands for candid ex- 
amination, their Bible and Prayer book, 
and if you please, a few of what my friend 
termed the cream of argument against Ca- 
tholicity. The coolness with which Pro- 
testants assert what Catholics believe, the 
absurdities they put in their mouths, and 
the splendid argument they get up, and tri- 
umphantly get through against a phantom 
that never existed — a creature of their own 
creating, strikes at once an intellect in search 
of truth, and does more to establish upon 
the rock pf ages a wavering mind, than all 
the talents ever heaped upon man could 
accomplish. 

But to continue — After giving a fortnight, 
or so, to seeing the " lions" of the place, I 
thought of the mission I had come upon, 
and with anxiety looked for an opportunity 
to address my friend upon the subject of the 
change she had made in her religion. One 



25 

by one I enumerated to her the horrible 
doctrines of the Church of Rome. To each 
one I received answer, that such and such 
was not Catholic doctrine at all. This was 
a course I never expected the affair to take, 
and for which I confess I was quite unpre- 
pared. I had thought she would have tried 
to defend this and that doctrine ; but, 
plumply to tell me, all I said and conceived 
to be Catholic doctrine was utterly false, 
startled me not a little. However, although 
I did feel much puzzled, I took good care 
she should not see I was so. I certainly did 
feel either, that she was not yet initiated into 
what really was Catholic doctrine, or else 
that I had been grossly deceived from my 
very cradle upon the subject. 

Amongst the other " lions" of the city, I 
was taken to hear and see the Rev. Mr. 

C , of the Episcopal Church. He was 

called a great preacher, and certainly gave 
us a fine sermon. Next in order was Mr. 

D , of the same establishment, noted for 

his great piety and spirituality; then the 

Rev. Dr. C h, a Presbyterian minister of 

3 



26 

great renown, and lastly, the Episcopalian 
Bishop. Descanting on the merits of these 
preachers, all of whom I found my friend 
had heard, she timidly inquired whether I 
would go and hear a sermon in her church. 
Anxious to prove to her the stability of the 
faith I held, and which she had forsaken, 
and that it would by unshaken by anything 
a Catholic priest could say, I readily as- 
sented. Besides, I had visited Catholic 
churches on the Continent, and knew of my 
parents having conducted their children to 
them, as things worthy of notice when tra- 
velling, so that the idea of fear or hazarding 
my faith by so doing, never entered my 
head. The preacher, the Right Rev. Dr. 
Gillis, chose for his subject a topic, which, 
when he first announced it, filled my soul 
with a feeling of triumph. I thought I 
needed no better proof of the ungodliness 01 
the Catholic Church. He commenced by 
calling the attention of his congregation to 
the Protestant Calendar, the Catholic Ca- 
lendar, and the Infidel Calendar of France ! 
He said as the index of a book showed what 



27 

was contained therein, so a Calendar de- 
clared the feelings and habits of the nation 
or body to which it belonged. I shall for 
briefness sake merely notice a few of his re- 
marks on the Protestant and Catholic 
Calendars, which he read out, and took for 
example the month he was then in — 
February. 



PROTESTANT CALENDAR. 

1 Fisheries north of Tweed 

open, 

2 Partridge and Pheasant 

shooting ends, 

3 Sexagesima Sunday, 

4 Purification of the Blessed 

Virgin, or Candlemas, 

5 Dr. Cullen died, 1790, 

6 Dr. Priestley died, 1804, 

7 Bishop Keith born, 1781, 

8 Mary Queen of Scots be- 

headed, 1587. 

9 Dr. J. Gregory died, 1733, 

10 Quinquagesima Sunday, 

11 Descartes died, 1615, 

12 Shrove Tuesday, 

13 Ash Wednesday, 

14 St. Valentine, 

15 Tweed Net and Rod Fish- 

ery opens, 



CATHOLIC CALENDAR. 

1 St. Ignatius, 

2 Purification of the B. 

V. Mary, 

3 St. Blase, 

4 St. Andrew Corsini, 

5 St. Agatha, 

6 St. Dorothy, 

7 St. Ronald, 

8 St. John of Matha, 

9 St. Appollonica, 

10 St. Scholastica, 

11 St. Raymond of Pena- 

fort, 

12 St. Catherine, 

13 St. Benedict, 

14 St. Valentine, 

15 St. Faustinusof Tovita* 



28 



CATHOLIC CALANDER. 

16 St. Onessimus, 

17 St. Fintan, 

18 St. Simeon, 

19 St. Barras, 

20 St. Tyrannio, &c, 



21 St. Severianus, 

22 The Chair of St. Peter, 

23 St. Serenus, 

24 St. Mathias, 

25 St. Tarasius, 

26 St. Alexander, 

27 St. Leander, 

28 St. Proterius. 



PROTESTANT CALANDER. 

16 Melancthon born, 1497, 

17 First Sunday in Lent, 

18 Luther born, 

19 Sun enters Pisces, 

20 Rev. Charles Wolf died, 

1823, 

21 James I. assassinated, 

1437, 

22 Adam Ferguson died, 

23 Duke of Cambridge born, 

24 2d Sunday in Lent, 

25 St. Mathias, Apostle, 

26 Sir T. Craig died, 

27 Dr. Aburthnot died, 

28 Montaigue born. 

From thence he proved the Protestant 
nation had not their every day devoted to 
God, but thought by heaping all their 
devotion upon a Sunday, they served God 
admirably. A few days certainly were 
devoted to the honour of some saint or 
holiday, but devoted to them only to 
condemn them. For from what authority 
or source could Protestants acknowledge 
such things as saints' days ? They who hold 
no rule of faith, but the Bible, could not 
dream of a St. Valentine, or a Shrove 
Tuesday, or an Ash Wednesday therein. 



29 

"Do Protestants know/' he inquired, u why 
or whence they hold these days ? No, 
they either do not know, or knowing, they 
dare not say, for it is from the Catholic 
Church they received them, and to say so 
would proclaim their inconsistency. For 
instance, let any Protestant present, if such 
there be," (and there was one to whom he 
was, at the command of heaven, bearing a 
message, . though he knew it not,) " let 
him go and ask his clergyman what the 
approaching Wednesday means (Ash Wed- 
nesday). He will see it in his prayer book, 
and in his calendar too, and the day after 
he can from' the same source send Valen- 
tines, or commence fishing in the Tweed 
with nets or rods ; but will he see anything 
of it in his churches, or hear anything from 
his ministers to tell him, why the day is 
so called ? No, he will not, because they 
can only give him a Catholic reason. On 
the contrary, every day in the Catholic 
Church and calendar is devoted to some 
holy recollection — the Catholic Church, 
and it only, is open every day for devotion^ 
3* 



30 

and every day provides for the souls of the 
people * daily bread V a means of offering 
the first of each day to their Creator, and of 
sanctifying their secular employments. The 
pure Sacrifice and clean Oblation, declared 
by Malachy i. 11, as a thing which should 
be offered daily from the rising of the sun 
to the going down of the same, even for 
ever more, is daily offered from the Jlltars 
of the Catholic Church, and it only." He 
said much, very much more, that I am 
utterly incapable of attempting to repeat, 
and much that I then wished he had kept 
to himself, and most truly did I regret that 
all he said was so much to the purpose, 
and so convincing of this one point, that 
the religion of the Catholic Church taught 
and influenced men from Sunday morning 
to Saturday night. All this I heard with 
very great astonishment, and all he said 
was alarmingly and hatefully true. In fact, 
such a powerful sermon I had never before 
heard, and coming from a Catholic priest 
or bishop, it made no matter which, I was 
utterly puzzled, and when my friend in- 



31 

quired what I thought of her preacher, I 
knew not what to say. I wished from my 
soul, that the man who could so metamor- 
phose a lie into truth, had never been born, 
or else that I had been born to know that 
truth which I had always conceived a lie. 
His subject, which commenced so anti- 
christian, as I thought, closed with Christ 
as its beginning and its end, its all in all. 
I confess I was thoroughly bewildered. The 
idea, that perfect truth could be in the Ca- 
tholic Church, almost deprived me of the 
power to proceed, and yet / felt the 
preacher's words were true. However, I 
had no idea of allowing either to my friend 
or myself that I was in any measure con- 
quered. It was very true he had had it all 
his own way in the pulpit, and so far I was 
bound to credit him right, till I had proved 
him wrong. But I would do as he desired, 
I would put the question he proposed to a 
clergyman, and I felt no doubt his eloquence 
and apparent truth would both vanish before 
the answer I should get. For although, to 
my shame, I could not give a satisfactory 



32 

explanation of Ash Wednesday, still I would 
go to one whose business and delight I felt 
it would equally be, as a preacher of the 
Protestant Church, to enlighten me. 

Ash Wednesday soon came, I went to 
hear Mr. D , celebrated alike for learn- 
ing as piety, an Episcopalian, and altogether 
the man for me. I listened, all anxiety, to 
his sermon, hoping I should hear what 
would enable me to silence my friend, with- 
out any personal application being neces- 
sary, and to prove to her she had made 
a mistake, or at least her bishop had, in 
supposing our clergy could not give them a 
reason, and a good one too, for every thing 
in their church. The sermon commenced 
and ended, but not one word of or about 
" Ash Wednesday." What was I to do ? I 
was a total stranger to the preacher, and 
still I felt this was no time to stand upon 
ceremony. It was a matter of importance 
to me to have the question answered, for 
should what the Catholic bishop said of the 
calendar be true, (which, of course, I could 
not suppose possible, and still I could not 



33 

shake off the impression it had left,) what 
he said on other subjects might be so also, 
and then *alas, for me ! I approached the 
Rev. gentleman as he descended the pulpit 
stairs, apologized for stopping him, but said 
I was a stranger in Edinburgh, anxious to 
have a question answered which had been 
put to me by a Catholic : viz., what was the 
exact meaning of Ash Wednesday ? and 
that I was ashamed to say I had not been 
able to give a proper answer. He took my 
hand with the greatest kindness, and cheer- 
ed me by the most friendly reception, and 
said, looking me hard in the face, " you are 
aware we Protestants have nothing to do 
with ashes, or candles, or crosses, or any 
such nonsense." Yes sir, I said, I know that. 
u Well," he continued, " that being the case, 
the day is more a name than anything else, 
and indeed it should not be in the prayer 
book, no more than Christmas day, which 
ought to be called the Nativity of our Lord, 
Such terms, Christmas day and Ash Wed- 
nesday, and some others, were quite Catho- 
lic, and spoke for themselves being so, and 



34 

indeed such things needed reforming before 
being placed in a reformed prayer book." 
At these words my heart sank : all the 
Catholic priest had said rushed into my 
mind, and a horrid thought crossed me, and 
forced itself upon me, that perhaps my 
long-treasured faith was insecure. When 
I could speak, I said, but sir, am I to say 
what you have said to my friend ? " No, 
no," said he, "just say that ashes are typi- 
cal of humility, and therefore, the day is 
called Ash Wednesday to remind us of the 
time it ushers in, in which we are to hum- 
ble ourselves by prayer and fasting" 
Fasting sir ! said I, almost choking with 
the feelings contending within me, if I say 
" fasting," my friend will naturally triumph 
over me again, for you know sir, we don't 
fast. " That, my dear, is quite another 
subject, therefore, say nothing of fasting," 
(and looking at me very hard, and drawing 
me quite close to him,) " you know, my child, 
there are different meanings that can be 
.attached to that word; and besides you 
know many good Protestants do fast, but 



35 

as your mind does not seem quite estab- 
lished, I would advise you not to use the 
ivord, but merely say, to humble ourselves 
by prayer" And is that the answer, sir, 
said I, scarcely able to articulate ! upon 
which I raised my eyes, and at the same 
time they met his, which were most anxious- 
ly resting upon me, and with much alarm 
in his look, he took hold of my two hands 
and said, " may 1 urge upon you, a total 
stranger, the ill effects of Catholic society. 
Avoid it, do, for, believe me, you will get 
no good, whatever harm you may from it." 
We parted, my head full of confusion, and 
my heart full of sadness. I tried to avoid 
the subject with my friend, but she was too 
anxious to impart some of the joy and peace 
she herself had to me, so she instantly re- 
quired to be enlightened. I gave the words 
delivered to me, and to which she simply 
replied, "and do you think that satisfac- 
tory ?" No, I said, I do not ; and though at 
this, I dare not disclose to her, or allow 
myself for a moment to feel my faith was 
not founded upon a rock, still I inwardly 



36 

felt a great desire to know really what the 
Catholic faith was, but I knew not how to 
go about it. I commenced, however, by- 
making attacks upon the different points of 
her belief. 

The first thing I inquired after, or rather 
insisted upon was, that the Pope was con- 
sidered by all Catholics individually in- 
fallible, that he was called by Catholics 
" God" and that every title given in scrip- 
ture to Christ, was ascribed to him ; (this 
idea I got out of one of the books I had 
brought with me to convert my friend.) 
To my astonishment she boldly declared 
such, was not, nor ever had bee?i a doctrine 
of the Catholic Church; no more is he 
called or entitled God, than any nobleman 
would be when addressed in Latin he is 
styled " Bominus :" and so far from his 
being considered impeccable he continually 
humbles himself by falling upon his knees 
to confess his sins to a poor monk, besides 
which he can never offer up the sacrifice of 
the Mass, without making a public confes- 
sion of his sins, in the same manner as the 



37 

humblest priest, by reciting the H. confiteor" 
in the commencement of the Mass. 

The next point I asserted with great de- 
termination, because I remembered having 
read a most convincing book founded upon 
the very fact, (Father Clement,) and that 
was, that to this hour the church forbids the 
use of the Scriptures to the laity. Here 
again I was baffled, she assured me no 
such command or restriction was laid upon 
Catholics, so far from it, proper translations 
of the Bible were and are circulated by 
order of the church, wherever people can 
be found capable of reading them ; besides, 
I knew her to have become, since her 
conversion to Catholicity, quit^ a biblical 
scholar. 

My next attempt was aimed at confession. 
I exclaimed with horror at a doctrine so re- 
pugnant to human nature, as that of con- 
fessing one's sins to a priest, and then to 
complete the matter, of supposing he had 
power after hearing to pardon. This I 
knew was a Catholic doctrine, and Catholic 
only; sol anticipated a glorious triumph, 
4 



38 

as far as this point went, and I was more 
successful than on the two former subjects, 
at least I was not told that what I was 
stating was false ; but I question whether 
my defeat was not more perfect. She al- 
leged that confession and absolution were 
not only Catholic doctrine by Scripture 
warranted, but also the professed doctrine 
of the Episcopal Church to which I be- 
longed. For proof she referred to the Pro- 
testant Prayer Book at the "visitation of 
the sick," where it is enjoined upon the 
minister, to move the sick person to confess 
his sins, and then to absolve him. I opened 
my prayer book, and found it even so ; and 
I confessed I was puzzled, because I felt 
certain if Christ had left power to his min- 
isters to forgive sins at the hour of death, 
they had the same power, at any other time. 
I also felt, if it were good to confess one's 
sins on a death-bed to a priest, "when a 
man's sins leave him, not he his sins," how 
much better, and infinitely more beneficial 
it must be to humble oneself when in health 
and strength, and liable to sin every mo- 



39 

ment, to postponing it to a time, which may 
never come. Besides, the obligation, when 
in health and strength, must of 'necessity 
have a great power to check sin, bring much 
comfort to the soul, and powerfully assist to 
leading a godly life. But I really knew not 
what to make of it all ; I seemed to be but 
awaking out of a deep sleep, the past being 
like a dream compared to the reality dawn- 
ing upon me. 

I thought, however, I would make another 
attempt, which I did by mocking the idola- 
trous practice used in all ages of the church, 
that of worshipping angels and the Blessed 
Virgin Mary, as God, and therefore taking 
from God's glory ; besides the absurdity of 
supposing they could either hear our peti- 
tions or grant them if they did. In answer 
to this I was informed, that the church 
had at no time, sanctioned the worship of 
angels, or of the Blessed Virgin as God, and 
that we know from Scripture they have the 
power to benefit and succour us, el^e why 
would Jacob (Genesis xlviii. 16,) call upon 
an angel to bless the sons of Joseph ? or why 



40 

did Joshue fall down to worship the angel ? 
(Joshue v. 14, 15.) or why would our Sa- 
viour himself have. said, (Matt, xviii. 10,) 
"Take heed how ye despise these little 
ones, for their angels are always before the 
face of my Father in heaven ?" A Catholic, 
therefore, feels it not inconsistent to seek 
and implore their aid and assistance. Be- 
sides, Protestants acknowledge the princi- 
ple, but in practice deny it, as may be seen 
in their prayer book, to the Collect in St. 
Michael. More bewildered now than ever, 
I knew not what to think either of what I 
heard or what I saw ; I felt a strange mis- 
giving, that I was being deceived by my 
informants, and still my eyes beheld the 
words in the Bible ; nor could I assign any 
advantage it would give them to lead me 
astray, for I could not suppose people of 
common sense could hope to increase their 
numbers, and extend their faith, by con- 
cealing and. disguising the real doctrine 
they professed. Besides, they did not seek 
me, they offered no instruction, no inter- 
ference until it was sought by me. I am 



41 

not ashamed to say, that by this time I felt 
desirous to inquire of better authority than 
Protestants, what the Catholic faith really 
was, as all I was now hearing seemed as 
new to me, and as perfect, as if it came 
straight from God. So feeling thus, I na- 
turally determined to inquire of a priest 
what the Catholic religion was, as I con- 
sidered such the only authority I could de- 
pend upon. 

Just at this critical moment, by the direc- 
tion of Providence, an old friend, the Rev. 
Mr. H., arrived in Edinburgh. When I 
inquired of him what brought him, he said 
really he did not know, that he came on his 
way from Dublin to London. Many may 
wonder where the interference of Provi- 
dence appears in this ; but I would ask such, 
is Edinboro' the usual way of going from 
Dublin to London ? besides which I have it 
in writing from him, that he came only to 
see ?ne, although we had only parted in 
Dublin a very short time before, and when 
there, although we were very intimate, still 
weeks, nay months often passed without 
4* 



42 

our meeting, and neither of us were less 
happy on that account; as also this addi- 
tional fact, that although he came to go to 
London, he did not do so, but returned to 
Dublin, without being able to assign any 
reason for not proceeding to London. 

I now thought God had sent me one who 
would fight my battles for me, and although 
I expected he would have helped me differ- 
ently, still it was not the less effectual. I 
therefore handed him over to my friend to 
prove to her she was all wrong, never sup- 
posing for a moment her arguments would 
stand before a clergyman. They had a good 
deal of conversation upon many points of 
controversy, but she finding he had ways of 
leaving a subject when he was unable to de- 
fend it, (which I too could not but perceive to 
be the case,) requested he would see a priest, 
who, she doubted not, would be his match, 
and not let him turn from a subject just as he 
feit he was conquered ; he very kindly said, 
certainly he would see a priest, if he was 
likely to do her any good by it, as he feared 
no man with his Bible in his hand. 



43 

I felt this was a critical moment for me, 
for I determined by his defence I would 
stand or fall, that is, if I saw he was able 
to give a reason, against the Catholic argu- 
ments for the faith he professed, I would 
never think of Catholicity more, never yield 
my proud Protestant faith ; but if he failed, 
I held myself bound to search for that faith 
which could stand any test, and which was 
founded upon the rock. 

While my friend went to seek a priest 
who lived close by, I asked my clerical 
friend, by way of a continuation of the 
former conversation, conscientiously, where 
he thought the soul of our Saviour went 
while His body was in the grave ? to which 
he replied, "certainly it went to limbo ;" 
and where is limbo ? said I ; " oh,' ? says he, 
"no one knows that, we do not even know 
where heaven or hell is ; but " said lie, " I 
have very peculiar views myself upon that 
subject,-for I believe in a third state, but of 
course I shall argue with the priest as if I 
did not so believe, as it is common with 
Protestants." 



44 

The priest arrived, and the conversation 
took place, but how did my soul sink to 
witness the incapacity of my defender, as I 
had hoped he would be. Unable to defend 
his own faith, he could but attack the priest 
with isolated texts of Scripture, not bearing 
to my mind, the least upon the subject. He 
lost his temper twice, and ended by a sen- 
timent as unchristian as ungentlemanlike. 
The priest, on the other hand, was almost 
provokingly self-possessed and calm; he 
seemed conscious of possessing truth, and 
fearless for what he should advance. All he 
said was to trie purpose. I could not shut 
my eyes to the contrast, though I would 
have given worlds to have been spared the 
bitter trial I saw before me; for all that 
presented itself to me was distress and be- 
reavement, in the event of my becoming a 
Catholic; yet, if it was the true faith, I 
was determined to embrace it, and in the 
strength of God meet all that was before 
me. Without uttering a thought to human 
being, I went to my room and knelt down 
before God, and bound myself from that 



45 

hour to learn what the Catholic faith really 
was, after which I took a pen and wrote the 
following, which my heart was bursting to 
give vent to ; signing my name, as in the 
presence of God. 

" This day, there was held a conversation on con- 
troversial subjects, between my friend, the Rev. Mr. 

H , and the Catholic priest, the Rev. Mr. 

R g, in my presence. Up to this day I was a 

staunch Protestant ; 1 thought not but that I was a 
child of Christ, after the true Scriptural sense, and 
that from Scripture, I, or at least my minister, could 
easily prove, that I belonged to Christ's Church, 
held the doctrines He left, and in short followed 
Scripture with such precision as would shame Cath- 
olics, who professed to serve Christ, and still (as I 
had always been led to believe) disregarded these 
same Scriptures. 

" The conference began ; my spiritual pastor, in- 
stead of showing an established mind regarding the 
sense of Scripture, was completely vanquished by 
the priest in point of argument, acknowledged he 
had peculiar views of Scripture, that perhaps, no 
other man had ; whereas the priest, instead of disre- 
garding or not knowing Scripture, was so thoroughly 
acquainted with every line, and so established on 
every point, that he seemed to advance it with the 
simplicity, facility, and clearness of one, who spoke 



46 



he truth in his mother tongue. My friend denied 
once or twice he had said what I with my own ears 
had heard him say ; he w T ould not assent to points, 
nor could he from Scripture prove a nay to them. 
Therefore, as a Protestant, before God, I dare not 
but protest, the priest was clear, stuck to Scripture 
in his arguments, and had to a perfect degree the 
power of defeating his opponent from Scripture; 
that he was calm, unruffled, and Christian-like; said 
he came to speak truth, and that if he possessed it 
not, if the Protestant would convince him that he 
had truth, he would instantly become a Protestant; 
whereas my friend was agitated, confused, and be- 
wildered, and ended by saying: 'those are my 
opinions ,• and I care not what any other man living 
thinks /' Alas ! where was the care for the soul, 
w r e should look for in Christ's minister, and which 
I had hoped to find in mine 1 I blush to say, I saw 
it in the despised Catholic priest. I saw the com- 
posure of the conscious possessor of truth with him 
— a willingness to yield to conviction, if it could be 
produced : where it could not, a desire to convince. 
I therefore hereby declare, if I were to be guided by 
what I have this day heard, I should at once be- 
come a Catholic; but I will not yield up my native 
faith, because one of my Protestant ministers pro- 
claims himself incapable of defending my cause ; 
no, but from this moment I feel it binding upon me 
to search the matter before God, and I pray, that, 
if in being a Protestant, I am what God has revealed 



47 



In Scripture we ought to be, if we wish to dwell 
with him for ever, that He will strengthen me against 
all argument, and against all endeavour to lead me 
from what is pure and true ; but if the reviled and 
despised Romanists be of the true church of Christ, 
then I pray, oh, my God, that all my prejudices may 
be overcome, that I may by the power and truth of 
God be persuaded, that my darkness, (which I 
thought was light) may be made manifest, and that 
my mind and my heart may be established in the 
way of truth, even to the loss of all most dear upon 
earth — my own flesh and blood. Oh my husband 
and children ! ! — but Christ be my all ! 

FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
Feb. 10, 1842. 

My mind being thus far relieved, I re- 
turned to where my friend was sitting, de- 
termining I would not allow him to know 
or see by my manner the effect produced 
within me. He was to leave Edinburgh 
that night, and I thought, if after I had 
made further search, I should find it neces- 
sary to become a Catholic, it would be quite 
time enough to tell him what he had done 
for me. When about to leave me, his part- 
ing words were, " now, I hope from what 



48 

you have heard this morning, you see the 
fallacy of these Catholic doctrines, and how 
unsatisfactory the meeting was, therefore, 
I beg that on no account you will ever go 
again into a Catholic chapel, or talk upon 
the subject again, as it cannot do you any 
good." As I said before, for many reasons 
I did not wish him to know he had been 
the means of making me fear and tremble, 
lest my own doctrines were fallacious, not 
the Catholic ones; therefore, I simply re- 
plied : Why not enter a chapel ? Surely, 
the truth we hold, if founded upon a rock, 
will only be strengthened, by hearing and 
thus proving the errors of their creed. "Oh," 
said he, " you must not seek for truth where 
there is nothing but error." That, said I, I 
shall know, and be able to judge of, when 
I know what it is they do preach. We 
parted. 

I now felt most anxious to find out, not 
what was not Catholic doctrine, (for that 
seemed to be all the progress I had hitherto 
made,) but what it really was on the autho- 
rity of a priest ; for, although I was most 



49 

desirous to be able conscientiously to say, I 
thought them in error, still I had the can- 
dour to acknowledge (and act accordingly) 
that a priest, not a Protestant minister, was 
the person to apply to for this information^; 
as a greater mistake, nor a greater injustice 
was never practised, than to condemn a 
creed, or any thing else, on the testimony 
of its adversaries. To discover the real be- 
lief of Catholics, I therefore devoted much 
of my time, and as I, each day, and hour, 
gave myself to my Bible, I found I pro- 
gressed more and more towards Catholicity. 
In fact, from my own examination of Scrip- 
ture, together with some little assistance 
from other sources, I found, either that I 
must act up to my conscience, and become 
a Catholic, or yield to the troubles and trials 
I saw before me, and deny my Lord, to the 
eternal loss and misery of my precious im- 
mortal soul. 

At this stage of my advance to Catholi- 
city, I felt it due to my parents to acquaint 
them with what was passing in my mind, 
indeed I might say, was established in it; 
5 



for, as I shall afterwards show by references 
to my Bible, I felt, that either I must become 
a Catholic, or part for ever from that book, 
which wets always dear to me, but now ten 
times more so than ever. It may not be 
amiss to copy the letter wrote to my be- 
loved parents at this trying moment, when 
I saw the awful necessity on me of, for the 
first time, acting in open violation of their 
wishes, and the fearful possibility of incur- 
ring their displeasure, and perhaps, that also 
of a most devoted husband. This commu- 
nication may prove, at least, that I did not 
lightly yield up my former opinions, but had 
a most bitter struggle before doing so; for, 
indeed, it was like tearing out my heart's 
core to wound such parents as mine, espe- 
cially in the matter of religion, where I knew 
they considered me so firm. But I had the 
comfort of knowing, if I should cause them 
pain, it was in the only matter I could do 
so, and still be blameless in the sight of God, 
the only authority I acknowledged superior 
to theirs, and therefore, I could not, if I 



31 

would, but obey its call, to come into the 
fulness of truth. 

(COPY.) 

Edinburgh, Feb. 20, — i2. 

" My Beloved Parents, 

"The search, I told you, in my last letter, I was 
about to make, and which I dare not neglect or 
postpone, has been made, and what is the result t 
I find from proof beyond a doubt, and that from my 
precious Protestant Bible, that the Catholic religion 
not only looks most like Christ's religion and 
Church, but actually is that Church. 

" What then am I to do 1 You have ever, I trust, 
found me a dutiful child, to the best of my ability 
willing, nay, anxious to show you both that obedi- 
ence you deserve ; in this step, therefore, I hope you 
will still find me yielding, as far as I possibly can, 
to your wishes. I must now appeal to your reason. 
Have you not, on numberless occasions, applied to 
me for advice, nay, even direction in temporal mat- 
ters, nevertheless matters of importance to you, 
proving thereby that you considered me capable of 
some judgment and reason; and have I not, for the 
best part of my life, manifested an earnestness and 
sincerity for one thing more than all others, * reli- 
gion,' which insured for me more or less respect 
from you? Well then, I ask you candidly what has 
come over me now ? Believe me, I am the very 



52 

same in mind and body, as when I was with you, 
save that God has opened my eyes to a wondrous 
truth. Indeed I am not mad, nor^ more a fool than 
when with you, but if you would not turn from one, 
that is the same as risen from the dead, you would 
at least hear me, before you condemn me. 

M For many years, (as many as twelve, for I re- 
member what first drew my thoughts to it,) I have 
been earnestly desiring to find the God of the Bible, 
that He would become my father, and all the bless- 
ings He has promised His children become mine. 
Well, I did seek Him, and sometimes very earnestly, 
and with many tears, but I did not find Him. Some- 
times I thought I had just attained a certainty, when 
lo ! it was gone. I neither felt it was with me, 
nor had I what is promised, and without which I 
could not be happy. I kept my secret, and went to 
India, every one supposing I was supported by a 
power I felt I had not, and was further from it than 
ever. There, where all around me was dead and 
cold, I still felt the burning thirst for a sure and 
certain Saviour. I never ceased to seek, still I did 
not find. I knew I had as much of Christ as my 
neighbours had, but I felt I had not as much of 
Him as would satisfy me, and as I felt He was 
willing to give us, when he said he would mani- 
fest himself to those who sought him; therefore, I 
did as Protestant ministers told me, and also as 
Presbyterians directed, and so on, but no peace for 
me. The voice at last sounded in my ears, how 



53 



do you know you have sought him in the right re- 
ligion ? I saw some hundred religions around me, 
all differing widely, and yet all drawn from the 
Bible. Now what was I to do? I took my Bible 
in my hand and knelt down before God, and on 
the truth of that word, I supplicated he would sooner 
or later manifest himself to me, as he had promised 
he would to those, who persevered in seeking. I 
bound myself to pray, and to search the words of 
scripture, till God should answer me, and show me 
where the truth really was. I returned to England, 
and soon after came to Edinburgh, (ever more dear 
to me,) with Protestant books and Protestant argu- 
ments to lead my friend, to whom I was going, from 
darkness, (she being a Catholic) ; but lo! in defend- 
ing my own faith, which I did as well, and better 
than hundreds could do, I saw, that instead of 
darkness, she had found that light, which will 
shine more and more unto the perfect day. I re- 
sisted for a time, but I can do so no longer. I see 
what I have been so long in search of. I feel, at 
last, all my prayers are answered. The truth is so 
perfect that it manifests itself, and I am so full of 
joy, I can but pray and praise. All that was dark 
to me before in scripture, is now as clear as noon- 
day. I have found the pearl of great price, I see 
its beauty, I experience its value, and I reckon it 
will pay me for all I may have to suffer. Indeed, 
you might as well expect a man starving with 
hunger, seated before a banquet richly spread, to 
5* 



54 



refrain from eating, lest possibly the food might not 
satisfy him. I see the marks, Christ said should 
follow his people and church, in Catholicity and in 
Catholicity alone, although it is ' despised, a very 
scorn to all men f for as He was called Beelzebub, 
how much more they. These marks are with none 
but Catholics. Protestants are respected every 
where they go, particularly their clergy, and they 
are unanimous in but one thing, abuse of Catholics 
and their priests. This then cannot be a mark from 
Christ to them. 

u Now, my dear parents, this treasure, I have 
found, fills my soul with such rapture, such grati- 
tude, and such peace, that I can but think of you 
all, and wish and pray, and pray and wish you 
may each of you yet possess it. I will now tell 
you what I have determined to do previous to 
becoming a Catholic, for the satisfaction of your 
minds, and to prove to you, upon what, I have 
changed, and also my submission to you. I will 
go to the Protestant bishop of this place, and have 
Protestants present to judge, and if he can satisfy 
my mind, and shake my new faith, then I will 
never take that so much dreaded name; but to me 
it is even now inexpressibly dear, inasmuch as it 
bears my Saviour's mark, turn and examine it as I 
will. 

*' I have three things to ask you in justice to 
grant me; first, do not condemn me until you have 
heard me ; secondly, from this time until I see you, 



55 

cease not to pray, that God will strengthen and 
defend you against all I may say, if it be not truth, 
But if it be truth, that he will open your eyes, touch 
your hearts, and overcome your scruples, so as to 
enable you to take that, which, though it may 
bring down scorn and reproach on your names, will, 
nevertheless, hereafter lead you to eternal life ; then, 
thirdly, do not by word or deed seek to separate 
what God hath joined together, leave it to me to 
tell my husband of this change. Let no one speak 
to him of it. The God I have trusted so long, and 
at last found, will take me through deep waters ; I 
am not afraid, I have cast up my account, and the 
balance is on my side. With many prayers my 
best of parents, I commit you with your other chil- 
dren to God. 

14 1 must just mention to you, the occasion on 
which I first yielded to God's grace, and determined 
to seek for myself, and discover what the Catholic 
faith really was. It was on hearing a discussion 
between a Protestant clergyman, and a Catholic 
priest, who ought both have known their own 
faiths, and that upon which they rested; but alas ! 
for me, but one could give a reason from scripture. 
The point discussed was their separate rules of 
faith. The one, I saw, neither knew his Bible, nor 
could he defend his faith from scripture. He lost 
^his temper twice, and when by the simplicity of 
truth, and the words of scripture, he was uncon- 
sciously brought to a Catholic principle, he got off 



56 



by saying, ' these are my opinions sir, and I care not 
what any one else thinks!' This from a disciple 
Of Christ, one who is to teach Christ's flock, and 
to strive in prayer for their precious souls ! oh, I 
dare not longer resist, my hour was come. On the 
other hand, the priest was composed, unruffled, in 
the conscious possession of truth, and to this un- 
christianlike remark he mildly said, 'then sir, if 
you do not care for my soul, I care for yours, and 
if I cannot persuade you, do you try and persuade 
me, and I shall at once become a Protestant.' In 
short, all he said was to the purpose, and with that, 
he was humble and christianlike ; so that I, who 
felt my precious soul depending on their words, 
finding my native faith as unstable as he, who 
offered to defend it, submitted to God. I would 
also mention, that my clerical friend (and hitherto 
defender of my soul) having left Edinburgh, in a 
letter urges me to fly from this religion, not because 
he can prove it false, but because — why? I really 
blush to write it, — because of my husband, my chil- 
dren, and my friends. How strange, when these 
are the very causes which urge me on. If I might 
hesitate about myself, when I think of these souls 
so inexpressibly dear to me, I could not, if I would, 
disregard the call. Besides, the Saviour I have 
found, expressly tells me, I must leave all, even 
these, for His sake, if called to do it, and, by the 
grace of God, I will do it, notwithstanding this 
appeal on my weakest point. With many tears 



57 

and prayers for you all, believe me your affectionate 
child, 

FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 

I shall now give a copy of my partial 
search of my Bible — partial it can but be, 
when I could only devote three or four days 
to it, and I find thai every time I open my 
Bible, I have to add text upon text. My 
first object of search was for the Church, 
and what the marks were, by which it was 
to be discovered. The Catholic Church de- 
clared itself to be that church, and to be 
known to be such by its being one, Holy 
Church, Apostolic, and Infallible. I deter- 
mined to see how far these marks were sup- 
ported by scripture, and as far as I found 
them so, to respect them. 

THE CHURCH. 

Christ left a Church, and it was to be. 

One. — Isaiah xxxv. 8, liv. 17, lx. 11, 12; Ezekiel 
xxxvii. 24, 26 ; Matt. xvi. 18, xviii. 17 ; John x. 
16 ; Acts ii. 47, v. 11, viii. I, xi. 26, xii. 5, xiv. 
27, xv. 22, xviii. 22 ; Romans xvii. 4, 5 ; 1st 



Corinthians iv. 17 ; Coll. i. 18, 24 ; Ephesians i. 
22, iv. 5, 13, 14, v. 25. 

Holy.-*- Isaiah xxxv. 8, liv. 17; Malachi i. 11 ; 
Eph. v. 26, 27; Col. i. 18,24. 

Catholic. — Isaiah ii. 2, ix. 7 : Daniel ii. 44 ; 
Malachi i. 11; Matt, xviii. 17, xxiii. 20; Acts 
vii. 38 ; 1 Cor. i. 2 ; Ephesians iii. 2, 11, v. 32 ; 
Col. i. 17,24; 1 Peter v. 13. 

Apostolic. — Matt, xviii. 17, xxviii. 12, 20 ; Luke 
x. 2, 3, 16, xxii. 31, 32; John xv. 16, xvii. 18, 
19, 20, 21, 22, 23; xx. 21, 23; Acts xv. 4 ; 1 
Cor. xii. 28 ; Eph. iv, 11. 12, 13, 14; Heb. xiii. 
17 ; 1 John iv. 6. 

Infallible.— Isaiah ii. 2, xxxv. 8, xl. 8, liv. 15, 17, 
lix. 21. Ix. 12; Ezekiel xxxvii. 26; Daniel ii. 
44 ; Mich. iv. 7 ; Matt. xvi. 18, xxviii. 20; Mark 
xvi. 17 ; John xvi. 16, 17, 18, 26 ; Acts xix. 12 ; 
1 Cor. xii. 28; Col. i. 16, 18, 24; Eph. i. 20, 
21 ; iii. 9, 10, v. 24, 29 ; 1 Tim. iii. 15. 

Having proved the points above stated so 
far scriptural, my desire naturally extended 
next to all the doctrines of that church, 
which must surely be good and wholesome, 
if they emanated from the church, upon 
which the finger of God is so incontestably 
stamped, I shall take them in the order they 
struck myself, which is, first, the 



59 

Trinity, — Gen. xviii. 2, 3, 4; Matt, xxviii. 19; 2. 
Cor. xiii, 14 ; 1 John v. 7. 

Pope, or Chief Bishop. — Matt. x. 2, 3, xvi. 18; 
Lukexxii. 31, 32; John xxi. 15, 16, 17; Acts i. 
13, 15; xv. 7,8, 9, 10, 11, 12. 

Holy Orders. — Luke xxii. 19 ; John xx. 21, 22 
23 ; Acts vi. 5, 6, 7 ; xiii. 2, 3, 4 ; 1 Tim. iv. 
14. 

Tradition. — (Apostolic.) Dent, xxxii. 7; Matt. 
xxviii. 20; Luke x. 16 ; John x. 16 ; xvii. 18 ; 
Acts xv. 17; xx. 28 ; 1 Cor. xi. 2; 2 Thes. ii. 
15;iii. 6; 2 Tim. i. 13, 14; ii. 2, 

Scriptures. — (Not out sole rule of faith.) Matt, 
xviii. 17 ; Acts xx. 28 ; xxvi. 23 ; 1 Cor. i. 10 ; 
vi. 17; 2 Thes. ii. 16; iii. 6 ; 2 Peter iii. 6 ; i. 
20; 2 Tim. i. 13, 14. 

Baptism. — Matt. iii. 6; xxviii. 19 ; Mark xvi. 16; 
John iii. 5 ; Acts vii. 36, 37, 38 ; (and faith 
one) Mark xvi. 16; Acts xiii. 48; Gal. v. 6; 
Eph. iv. 5 ; Heb. xi. 6 ; James ii. 14, 17. 

Confirmation. — Acts xix. 6 ; John xx. 22 ; 2 Cor. i. 
22 ; Heb. vi. 2. 

Abstinence. — Gen. ii. 17; Exodus xii. 15; Lev, xi. 
1 } 8 ; Daniel i. 8, x. 2, 3, 12 ; Acts xv. 28, 29. 

Fasting. — Joel ii. 2, 13, 15 ; Daniel x. 2, 3, 12; 
Jonah Hi. 5, 6, 7, 10; Matt. iv. 2, ix. 15; Mark 



60 

. ii. 20, ix. 27, 28, 29 ; Luke v. 35; Acts xiii. 2, 
3, xiv. 23 ; 2 Cor. vi. 5, xi. 27. 
Confession. — Numbers v. 5, 6, 7; Matt. iii. 5, 6, 
xviii. 18 ; John xx. 22, 23 ; Acts xix. 18 ; James 
v. 16; 1 John i. 8, 9. 

Absolution. — Matt, ix, 6, xvi. 18, 19; John xx. 

21,22, 23; 2 Cor. ii. 10. 
Councils. — (of the Church assisted by God.) Matt. 

xviii. 20 ; Acts xv. 28, 41. 

Eucharist. — Matt. xxvi. 26, 27, 28 ; Mark xiv. 

22, 24 ; Luke xxii. 19 ; John vi. 27, 32, 49, 50, 

51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 60 ; 1 Cor. x. 16, xi. 

26, 27, 28, 29 ; 2 Peter i. 4 ; Eph. v. 30 ; Col. i. 

26, 27. 
Free Will.— Gen. iii. 9; Deut. xxx. 19 ; Prov. i. 

24, 25 ; Isaiah v. 4 ; Ezekiel xviii. 31, 32 ; Matt. 

xxiii. 37; Luke xiii. 34 ; Acts vii. 51 ; Heb. xii. 

15 ; 2 Peter iii. 9 ; Rev. iii. 20. 

Purgatory. — Isaiah xlix. 9, lxi. 1 ; Matt. v. 25, 
26, xii. 32, 36 ; 1 Cor. iii. 13, 14, 15 ; Eph. iv. 8. 

To pray for the dead is said to be a good and a 
wholesome thought in 2 Maccabees xii. 43, 46 : 
This portion of Scripture, though not in all Pro- 
testant bibles, is nevertheless in some, and in all 
Catholic ones, so that we cannot but respect it ; — 
besides, we all know it was and is a custom with 
the Jews to pray for their dead, and as our Lord 



61 

taught so often in their synagogues, what they 
were to do, and from what to refrain, we cannot 
but suppose He would surely have prohibited this 
practice, had it been either sinful or useless. 

Hell, (its torments eternal). — Isaiah xxxiii. 14; 
Mark ix.42, 43, 44; Rev. xx. 9. 10. 

Extreme Unction. — James v. 14, 15 ; Mark vi. 13. 

Sin, (Original). — Psalms li. 5 : Rom. v. 12 ; Eph. 

ii. 3. 
Mass, (Prefigured by Melchisidech.) — Gen. xiv. 

18, 19, 20 : Heb. v. 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, vii. 3, 15, 17, 

ix. 15, xiii. 10 ; Malachi i. 10, 11 ; Luke xxii. 19, 

20 : 1 Cor. x. 16. 

Indulgences, the power granted by Jesus to St. 
Peter and his successors. — Matt. xvi. 17, 18, 19 ; 
John xx. 21, 22, 23 ; 2 Cor. ii. 8, 10. 

Images, are sanctioned, nay, commanded of God. — 
Exodus xxv, 18, 19; Num. xxi. 8, 9 ; 1 Kings vi. 
23, 32. Relative honour to be paid them, author- 
ized, 2 Samuel xi. 12, 14, 15 ; Philips, ii. 9, 10. 

Angels have charge over us. — Gen. xlviii. 16 ; 
their aid to be sought, Exodus xxiii. 21, 22, 23; 
Zach. i. 12; Joshue v. 14, 15, 16; Matt, xviii. 
10; Luke xv. 10 ; Heb. i. 14; Rev. i. 4, viii. 3. 

Saints, departed equal to angels. — Matt. xxii. 30; 
Mark xii. 25 ; Luke xvi. 9, xx. 36, xv. 10 ; 1 
Cor. xiii. 12; Acts xii. 7; 1 John iii. 2; Rev. 
6 



62 



ii. 26, v. 8 ; for invocation, 1 Kings vii. 8, 9, 10 ; 
Rom. xv. 30 ; Heb. xiii. 18; James v. 16, Relics. 

Relics. 2 Kings xii. 20, 21 : Matt. ix. 20, 21, 22; 
Acts v. 15, 16, xix. 11, 12. Blessed Virgin the 
Mother of God. — Isaiah ix. 6 ; Matt. i. 23 ; Luke 
i. 35, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49. 

Continency both possible and profitable. — Deut. xxiii. 

21; Matt. xix. 11, 12; 1 Cor. vii. 7, 8, 2, 32, 

33; 1 Tim. v. 11, 12. 
Convents, sanctioned and recommended by scripture. 

— Matt. xix. 21, 27, 29 ; Luke xiv. 33 ; 1 Cor. 

vii. 34, 35, 37,38,40. 

Works, good woiks meritorious. — Gen. iv. 6, 7 ; 
xxii. 16, 17, 18 ; Psalm xviii. 20, xix. 11 ; Matt, 
v. 11, 12, x. 42, xvi. xxvii ; Rom. ii. 6, iv. 5 ; 
1. Cor. iii. 8 ; 2 Tim. iv. 8. 

Just at this time, letters came pouring in 
upon me from those of my friends, who 
knew, either from myself or others, the state 
of my mind, to beg and intreat of me to read 
my Bible, and to humble myself, as pride 
was the cause of my fall. All this I did 
as they recommended. As far as regards 
Scripture, the proof lies before me ; to which 
I did not fail to add, the most earnest prayer 
my soul could offer up, that I might be 



63 

strengthened against Catholicity if it were 
false. As I said before, I have given proof I 
did not neglect my Bible in my distress; but 
what did I find there ? Catholicity in every 
line. Where was I, or where were my 
senses, when as a Protestant, I had read 
over and over again, all those passages, 
without seeing any thing in them to raise a 
doubt in my mind ? I shook myself as one 
awaking out of a deep sleep, so deep, it had 
well nigh ended in death. This very some- 
thing that had passed over myself in the 
short space of four or five days, prepared 
me for greater things, although I could not 
tell what it was, or how it had been effected ; 
still that there was a change I was certain. 
I could no more account how it had been 
wrought, than the man, who was questioned 
how he came to see, having been born blind. 
His reply was what mine must be, " I can- 
not tell, I only know that whereas I was 
born blind, I now see." I cannot tell, in- 
deed, how it is, that I now see in my Bible, 
which I have read hundreds of times, and 
studied hard, what I never saw before. The 



64 

substance truly is changed, though the ap- 
pearance remains the same. I cannot think 
my Bible has been interlined with Catholic 
doctrines,by wily priests, as they are called ; 
that I know to be impossible, for the book 
has never been out of my possession ; but 
even if it had, its unaltered appearance must 
prove, that man had nothing to do with it. 
The ability thus to change the substance 
while the appearance remains the same, I 
am forced to trace to a Divine power, who 
has thus graciously prepared a way in my 
heart for the reception of another and a 
more blessed belief, even that of the most 
Holy Eucharist. Yes, I do believe, the sub- 
stance I receive is the very Body and Blood 
of my crucified Lord. I believe it, simply 
because He says it, and because I feel in 
myself the effects of such heavenly food. 
When my Saviour says, " This is my 
body," and " This is my blood," and "ex- 
cept ye eat of my body and drink my bloody 
ye can have no life in you." And again, 
" he that eateth me> even he shall live by 
me." I believe — I cannot help it — Christ 



65 

came to save us, and give us life, and if we 
cannot have life, unless we eat Him, then 
He died in vain, unless we can get him to 
cat, or else he spoke not truth, which is 
blasphemy, to suppose, when He said we 
could not have life unless we eat Him. 
John vi. 53. What then am I, a Bible 
reader, to do, when such passages as these 
stare me in the face ? Also 1 Cor. xi. 29. 
St. Paul speaking of communicating un- 
worthily, says " we eat damnation to our- 
selves not discerning the body of the Lord." 
What then am I to do ? Certainly to seek 
where I can get that blessed body — and 
where is that ? No where, but in the Catho- 
lic Church. Besides, must I not argue from 
the above, that if there be no body, as Pro- 
testants say, then St. Paul must have been 
wrong ; or if he is right then the others 
must be wrong, and, I suppose, as I am a 
Protestant, and born to the happy privilege 
of judging for myself, I may bring in which 
I choose, as the erring party. Again, can it 
be possible, that God, who is so merciful and 
just, would damn us, for not discerning what 
6* 



66 

is not there to be discerned ? Oh no, no. 
The Jews said to our Lord, but how can it 
be ? and so says the Protestant ; but does 
our Lord answer their how, and clear up 
their doubts and difficulties, as he was ever 
wont to do, where the case would admit of 
it, as in the case where he declared, that to 
enter the kingdom of Heaven, we must be 
born again. Nicodemus said, but Lord how 
can this be ? John in. iv. Jesus instantly 
explained that he did not mean literally that 
a man was to enter his mother's womb, and 
be born a second time, but that he was to 
be born of water and the spirit. But in this 
case our Lord answers their how by increas- 
ing the difficulty. He simply says, " except 
ye eat me, ye shall have no life in you" 
and when they said " this is a hard saying" 
he said doth this offend you? — how much 
more difficult will it be to believe what I 
have said, when ye see my body ascend 
with me to where I was before, and still, if 
you do not believe it, ye have no life in 
you." Yes I do believe it, (blessed be God) ; 
1 believe, that He who made all things out 



67 

of nothing, can make himself present when 
and where he pleases. To a Protestant 
and a Jew who have not faith, it is indeed 
a hard saying, to me, though I feel most 
unworthy of having been brought to the 
true and real faith of Christ, it is life and 
peace. A Protestant clergyman said to me, 
" and is it possible you have fallen so far in 
so short a time, as to believe a doctrine not 
only blasphemous, but so thoroughly con- 
trary to human reason ?" It is not impos- 
sible, said I, to a power to whom nothing is 
impossible — I believe it, and my greatest 
glory is, that I am able to say, I do so. I 
may add, I believe it in the same way I 
believe the incarnation of our Lord. The 
one is as unintelligible to the human 
mind as the other. 

But not my Bible alone has become me- 
tamorphosed to me ; my Protestant Prayer 
Book has likewise gone through a change. 
At least I see it now in quite a different 
light to what I once did ; and when I reflect 
upon the matter, I cannot help thinking of 
those passages in scripture, which I have so 



68 

often read, and wondered what they could 
mean; Matt. xiii. 14, 15; Mark iv. 12; 
Luke viii. 10; John xii. 40. "Therefore 
they could not believe, because that Isaiah 
said again, He hath blinded their eyes, and 
hardened their hearts, that they should not 
see with their eyes, nor understand with 
their hearts, and be converted, and I should 
heal them." My Prayer Book now seems 
to me the best book I could choose to place 
in a Protestant's hands, {for close exami- 
nation,) to prove the truth, the purity, and 
the consistency of the Catholic religion, 
and why, I will now tell you. A Pro- 
testant clergyman, trying to frighten out of 
me my admiration of my beautiful and 
spotless church, assures me, assuming a 
serious face, the subject being so awful, that 
one shocking practice of the Catholic 
Church, introduced into it by priests for 
bad purposes, is confession of sins, after 
which they gull the people by giving them 
absolution ! Now not to speak of the testi- 
mony I have given upon this subject from 
my Bible, I open my Prayer Book, and I 



69 

see that previous to receiving the sacrament, 
and at a sick bed, the minister is to press 
the person to make a full confession of sin, 
and afterwards to give him absolution ! 
What absurdity is this in a Protestant's 
mouth. They who dissent from the Epis- 
copal Church, and condemn the practice of 
confession, are consistent people so far, but, 
for Episcopalians, and their ministers to 
abuse a doctrine and practice as unscriptu- 
ral, and imposed upon Catholics by their 
priests, when every Protestant minister is 
obliged to declare he will practice it, before 
he can be ordained, [see the Ordination 
Service,] and every lay person who frequents 
a church, or uses a prayer book, thereby 
assents to the principle, is an absurdity so 
monstrous, that before I can respect such 
teachers, who profess one thing and do 
diametrically the opposite, it must be 
proved to me, I do not understand my mother 
tongue. 

Then, again I am told, the Catholic 
Church, among her other self-assumed pow- 
ers, commands fasting. Well, Scripture 



70 

apart again, on this point, even the express 
command of our Saviour himself, Matt. ix. 
15, Mark ii. 20, 1 open my Prayer Book, 
and I find "*2 Table of the Vigils, (a thing 
I never heard of as a Protestant,) Fasts, 
and Days of Abstinence ! to be observed 
during the year," and as I think what fol- 
lows so almost incredible, I would advise 
all to refer to their Prayer Book, to see that 
I am making no mistake. But as the book 
may not be at hand, I shall give a copy of 
what I can myself hardly persuade myself 
I see aright. 

A TABLE OF THE VIGILS, FASTS, AND DAYS OF 
ABSTINENCE TO BE OBSERVED IN THE YEAR. 

THE EVENS OR VIGILS BEFORE 



The Nativity of our Lord, 

The purification of the Bless- 
ed Virgin Mary, 

The Annunciation of the 
Blessed Virgin Mary, 

Easter Day, 

Ascension Day, 

Pentecost, 

St. Matthias, 



# St. John Baptist, 
St. Peter, 
St. James, 
St. Bartholomew, 
St. Matthew, 
St. Simon and St. Jude, 
St. Andrew, 
St. Thomas, 
All Saints ! 



Note. — That if any of these feast days fall upon a Mon- 
day, THEN THE VlGIL OR FAST DAY SHALL BE KEPT UPON 

the Saturday, and not upon the Sunday neit before it. 
Pure Catholicity ! 



71 

DAYS OF FASTING OR ABSTINENCE. 

I. Forty days of Lent. 

II. The Ember days at the four Seasons, &c. 

III. The three Rogation days, being the Monday, 
Tuesday, and Wednesday, before Holy Thursday* or 
the Ascension of our Lord. 

IV. All the Fridays in the year except Christmas 



Now, will any one really believe that the 
above is copied from the Protestant Prayer 
Book ; and yet it is true, and can be proved 
so by referring to the book. All I know is, 
when I was first told it was there, I would 
not credit it, and now that I see it, it is as 
much as I can do to credit my eyes. I also 
see it enjoined on the clergyman to declare 
after Communion, what fast days are to be 
observed during the ensuing week ; also, 
that all persons prepare themselves for the 
holy state of Matrimony by abstinence and 
fasting ; and in the Collect for the first 
Sunday in Lent, I see a prayer addressed to 
God, to beg grace to use such abstinence, 
and to do that, for which they not only con- 
demn, but thoroughly despise Catholics. 
What mocking of God! What incon- 
sistency ! I ask any honest, candid person, 



72 

is this a Church one can fearlessly adhere 
to, and on the truth, stability, and con- 
sistency of which they will stake their pre- 
cious souls ? Its ministers profess what they 
do not practise ; for if they practise fasting 
they do not preach it, and if they dared 
preach it, who would believe they practised 
it ? But this is not all : — Tell me, Protes- 
tant reader, if you are possessed of one iota 
of candour, what passes in your mind when 
you hear the word penance! a Catholic 
doing penance ! Now, acknowledge it is a 
word you have nothing to do with, that it 
belongs only to poor deluded Catholics, and 
if your heart be a tender one, tell me how 
you could weep for motives so misguided 
and so deceived. But before the tears have 
left your eyes, let me ask you to open your 
Prayer Book, at that part called " a Com- 
mination?" and you will read as follows, 
after which reserve your tears for yourself. 
" Brethren, in the primitive Church 
there was a Godly discipline, that at the 
beginning of Lent, such persons as stood 
convicted of notorious sin, were put to open 



73 

penance, and punished in this world, that 
their souls might be saved in the day of 
the Lord ; and that others, admonished by 
their example, might be the more afraid to 
offend. Instead wherof until the said dis- 
cipline may be restored again, which is 
much to be wished!" fyc. Tell me, now, 
reader, who needs your tears most? — Ca- 
tholics, who are obliged to practise what 
their religion teaches, or lose the reward it 
holds out, or yourselves, who are reared in 
ignorance of the true faith, the only one 
consistent in all things ? 

But the inconsistency of Protestantism 
does not stop here. Every Sunday they are 
obliged to declare they believe in " One 
Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church, the 
Communion of Saints and the forgiveness 
of sins, &?c. Now, I would ask is that Church 
Catholic which is only 300 years old, when 
there is one, from which it emanated 1S00 
years old ? Or is that Church Apostolic 
which dissented from the Ancient Church, 
and was obliged to ordain its ministers after 
a new fashion ? Or what is this Commu- 
7 



74 

nion of Saints, that very Communion for 
which Catholics are a scorn and a derision 
among Protestants. And this forgiveness of 
sinSy—wYfiX does it mean, that Protestants 
can say they believe in it ? It is the leaven 
of Catholicity which God has left in the 
Protestant Church, whereby to draw sincere 
souls into His own most beautiful and con- 
sistent Church. And, surely every Protes- 
tant ought to blush on reciting this creed, 
when Luther, the head and founder of the 
Reformation, (falsely so called,) out of 
which their Church has sprung, has left on 
record, and by Protestant writers recorded 
too, that when he first severed himself from 
the Catholic Church, he stood alone in the 
world, no other man living holding the 
same views or faith that he did. 

But I have not done yet. I must point 
out a few more inconsistencies in the Pro- 
testant Prayer Book, before I can bring my- 
self to leave the subject, as these lines may 
meet the eye of some poor Protestant, as 
sincere as I was myself, and who may, by 



75 

the power of God, be led to truth through 
the very matters I am now treating of. 

To commence again, then, we will notice 
first, the general confession of sin, which 
almost immediately begins the service. The 
priest, (mark he is no priest at all according 
to Scripture,) for we are told in Heb. v. 1, 
2, 3, a priest must offer sacrifice for sin, 
(and the idea we all know is obnoxious to 
all Protestants) pronounces absolution upon 
all the people, whether they be penitent or 
not. Now, mark, this, if it means anything 
at all, it is practising (if we may use such a 
term where nothing is performed,) the very 
power Catholics are abused for using, and 
which is charged upon them as an invention 
of their priests. Now, I would ask any Pro- 
testant, if he has ever gone to church parti- 
cularly burdened with some sin or other, or 
with sin in general, has he felt after these 
works are pronounced, as if perfectly for- 
given by God, and in consequence, perfectly 
relieved ? or does he feel as I always did, 
that these were mere empty words without 
any healing power ? Or I would suppose the 



76 

case of a murderer being present, and that 
he has joined in the general confession. If 
any one present be absolved, so is he, and 
can any one suppose such a crime pardoned 
at such a tribunal, and absolved by the 
priest, who is perfectly ignorant of the 
mighty work he has just performed, that of 
having reconciled a soul to its God, before 
at deadly enmity ? 

Another inconsistency is, that after the 
1 Te Deum' in the l Benedicite,' they not only 
address the angels, for which they cannot 
find language strong enough to abuse the 
Catholics, but they address the spirits and 
souls of the faithful departed ; as for in- 
stance, " Jlnanias, Jlzarias, and Misael 
bless ye the Lord." They will say they 
have scripture authority for this — so they 
have : but let them know their Bibles better, 
before they condemn others, for what they 
themselves do, or ought to do, if their Prayer 
Book is to direct them, — that borrowed book, 
which they only hold to bear testimony 
against them. 

Another monstrosity in the mouth of a 



77 

Protestant is " Saint Athanasius's creed." 
Many have staggered at the recital of this ; 
would to God they had staggered until they 
had fallen upon truth and consistency. The 
Protestants profess such charity towards the 
souls of all men, that let their lives have 
been what they may, if they can only be got 
to pronounce the name of Jesus on their 
death-beds, they are instantly pronounced 
safe in the highest heavens ; whereas, in this 
creed, they boldly pronounce none safe but 
such as hold the Catholic faith, which said 
faith they themselves, neither hold actually 
nor nominally. That they do not hold it 
actually, this little pamphlet is written to 
prove ; that they do not hold it nominally, 
I will give you a little proof. 

The first time I visited Kingstown after 
my conversion, my first desire was to know 
where my magnet (the Catholic Church) 
lay. I approached some poor creatures on 
the road side, and said, can you tell me 
where the Catholic Church is ? at which one 
old woman stood up and said, " look jewel, 
do you see the sign of redemption, there, the 
7* 



78 

crass, (cross,) that always marks the Catho- 
lic Church, and if you want the Protestant 
Church, dear, look for a weather-cock, and 
you wont be far astray V* 

They also declare in the same creed, that 
" they that have done good shall go into 
everlasting life; and that they that have 
done evil into everlasting fire" Now, 
when poor Catholics urge this upon their 
own people, these very Protestants say, here 
is a pretty religion, trusting to their works 
for salvation. Oh ! Protestants, Protestants ! 
what a privilege to be freed from the title. 

Again, look at the Litany, and you will 
see another token of Catholicity, just enough 
to show that they who Protestantized, and 
borrowed the Prayer Book, (for in many 
things it is an exact copy of the Missal,) 
had not sufficiently forgotten their original 
faith ; for therein they pray " from fornica- 
tion and all other deadly sins good Lord 
deliver us," that is, good Lord deliver us 
from what we denounce Catholics, for say- 
ing there exist — deadly sins! 

Next come the Collects. In the third 



79 

Sunday in Advent they pray, * that the 
ministers and stewards of thy mysteries, 
&c. What mysteries ? Whatever wise head 
penned this collect, forgot he was henceforth 
to protest against the mysteries of the old 
religion. There is no mystery in bread and 
wine. But when that bread and wine be- 
come, by the power of God, " Christ," 
whole and entire, human and divine, — here 
is something like a mystery, a mystery that 
has triumphed over all difficulties, and has 
outlived, and ever must outlive all (falsely 
so called) reformations. 

Then, again, in the sixth Sunday after 
Epiphany they pray, " that they may purify 
themselves, even as He is pure ; and when 
Catholics strive at such an attainment, they 
shrug their shoulders in pity and disgust, 
and exclaim, poor misguided self-righteous 
Pharisees ! 

Next comes Ash Wednesday, (dear Ash 
Wednesday.) After the collect, there is a 
command given, that is to be read every day 
in Lent. Where ? not in the churches, for 
they are not open, after which the epistle is 



80 

read as follows : — " Turn ye, saith the Lord, 
to me, with all you heart and with fasting." 
So the Lord has ordered them to do what 
they pity and despise the Catholics for 
doing. Oh, happy consistent Catholics, a 
few more scoffs, and a few jeers, and you 
will meet the reward of your steady and con- 
stant adherence to the known commands of 
your God. 

Look next at the Collect, " St. Michael 
and all angels." " everlasting God, &c, 
mercifully grant, that as the holy angels do 
thee service in heaven, so by thy appoint- 
ment, they may succour and defend us on 
earth, through Jesus Christ our Lord." I 
thought it was only superstitious Catholics 
could suppose the holy angels could help 
them ; but here is a proof of the contrary, 
notwithstanding, it strikes me as a mighty 
queer subject for a Protestant Collect. 

Next comes All Saints day. " Al- 
mighty God, who has knit together thine 
elect in one communion, in the mystical 
body of thy son Christ our Lord, grant us 
grace so to follow thy blessed saints in all 



81 

virtues and godly living, fyc" Now mark, 
first, " one communion," as there are some 
hundred Protestant communions, this pass- 
age can never be intended for themselves. 
Secondly, they pray for grace to follow 
the example of the saints, and when Catho- 
lics urge the same, they ridicule them for it. 
They also despise fasting and confession, 
which the saints could not live without. 

Again, I cannot but remark upon an order 
just after the communion service, that unless 
there be three or four to communicate with 
the priest, there shall be no communion, so 
that one or two souls may thirst, and thirst 
again, to unite themselves in communion to 
their Saviour, but it will be all in vain, un- 
less there be found more so disposed. Per- 
haps they calculate, that two souls are not 
worth the bread and wine used upon the 
occasion, but for three or four that expense 
can be gone to. I cannot think of any 
other reason. There is also another order, 
which is, that every parishioner shall com- 
municate at least three times a year, Easter 
to be one. What a leaven of Catholicity 



S2 

copied out of the Catholic Catechism. I 
most solemnly declare, in all my Protestant 
career, I never heard the above urged upon 
us as a duty, or even recommended particu- 
larly as a practice. 

Lastly, let me direct your attention to the 
pretty little apology, with which the com 
munion service ends, for kneeling while com- 
municating. It says, " lest through igno- 
rance or infirmity, or out of malice or ob- 
stinacy, persons should misconstrue the 
matter, it is hereby declared that no adora- 
tion is intended to the bread and wine, as 
that were idolatry, to be abhorred of all 
Christians, &c. Then comes a very wise 
assertion, that Christ's natural body cannot 
be in two different places at the same 
time ; and yet it could pass through a stone 
wall, which is equally at variance with the 
laws of nature. But, perhaps, the Bible 
makes a mistake when it says so, for the 
Prayer Book says, it is contrary to reason 
to suppose such a thing possible. I must 
still further point out the Catholic rite, 
with which a Protestant child is baptized, 



'83 

Ci signed with the sign of the cross" for 
which absurdity they again apologize in the 
following words : "To take away all scru- 
ples concerning the use of the sign of the 
cross in baptism, the true explication there<- 
of, and the just reasons for the retaining of 
it, may be seen in the 30th Canon, first 
published in the year 1604." 

Now, for one peep at the Catechism, the 
question is asked, " what is the inward sign 
of the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper ?" 
Answer : " The body and blood of Christ) 
which are verily and indeed taken and re- 
ceived by the faithful in the Lord's Supper.'*' 
The Holy Ghost has said of the church, that 
he that runs may read, and the wayfaring* 
man, though a fool cannot err therein t 
now, I would ask any Protestant, supposing^ 
him not to be a fool, how he would under- 
stand these words, " verily and indeed 
taken and received" I know I would take 
them as the Catholic does, and as the words 
imply ; but the Protestant says we err there- 
in though the Holy Ghost says we can't ! ! 

Now, hear how the Catechism closes. 



84 

" The curate of every parish shall diligently 
upon Sundays and holydays, after the 
second lesson at evening prayer, openly in 
the church instruct and examine so many 
children as he shall think convenient in some 
part of this Catechism." Is this done ? no, 
that it is not, that ever I saw, except in 
Catholic Curches, the difference being, that 
the commands of the one church are attend- 
ed to, in the other they are only a dead 
letter, left in it to perfect the condemnation 
of her happy adherents. 

Seing thus led by the two highest authori- 
ties into Catholicity, namely, my Bible 
and Prayer Book, for mind, I have not 
been abusing the Prayer Book, for I think 
there is a vast deal of sound sense and doc- 
trine in it, just so far as there is Catholic doc- 
trine in it ; no, but it is Protestants I find 
fault with, for professing' what they con- 
demn others for doing. I still shrink from 
becoming a Catholic, if it were possible to 
avoid it, and my «enemy did not fail to 
suggest it was not necessary ; besides which, 
by nature I was disinclined towards it, for 



85 

on the one hand there was my easy going 
Protestant faith, which practically said 
to me, eat, drink, and be merry ; while on 
the other side, every thing was against 
my nature : confession to be made constantly 
of every secret sin, whether in thought, 
word, or deed, regular humiliation of the 
flesh, in fasting and abstinence, the cross to 
be borne which even then I could see was 
sizeable, the despised name of Catholic to 
be taken, together with a world of woe, 
perhaps to be deserted by all dear to me on 
earth. Indeed, I would have given worlds 
to have been able to discard this new-formed 
religion. I therefore, determined, as a last 
resource, to try and find out exactly what 
the Protestant rule of faith was; for, although 
I had been reared in it, and managed to pass 
in the world as a sincere good Protestant, 
still I could not trust to myself; for I found 
that all the points which I had considered 
quite settled, and firm as a rock, when tried 
by this Catholic touchstone, shook, tottered, 
and fell! 

I inquired, therefore, of a Protestant 
8 



86 

clergyman, what the Protestant rule of faith 
was ? I was answered " the Bible." Is 
it infallible? "Certainly," was the reply. 
Well, said I, is it your only rule of faith ? 
" Yes," again, was the reply. Then, said 
I, again, you profess to do all it commands, 
and to abstain from all it forbids ; neither 
to add to nor diminish ? " Yes," was the 
answer. And at that my heart sank, for I 
saw on opening my Bible, a strict com- 
mand, under the Patriarchal law, the 
Jewish law, and lastly, the Christian lata, 
to keep the Sabbath or seventh day holy, 
Christ himself giving example so to do; for 
we are told in Luke iv. 15 ; "As his custom 
was, he went into the Synagogue, on the 
Sabbath day, and read to the people." 
Luke xxiii. 56. How, then, was naturally 
my next question, is it, that Protestants keep 
the first day and not the seventh, as God 
has so expressly ordered in the Bible ? and 
on examination I found many, many com- 
mands to keep it, but not one to change the 
day. My clerical friend, then said, "Pro- 
testants keep the first day instead of the 



87 

seventh, because they see from Scripture, the 
Apostles met on the first day, to pray and 
break bread/ 5 I look to my Bible again, 
and find they did ; but I also find, they met 
on the second day as well. Acts xx. 11. — 
Now, why not keep Monday holy, as the 
authority for the one day is as good as for 
the other ; therefore, how can this be autho- 
rity to change so positive a command of 
God ? If one person would think it satis- 
factory or sufficient, one hundred others 
would not think so ; therefore, this cannot 
be the reason, at least, not an infallible one? 
and nothing else could cancel a command 
so continuously and so solemnly given by 
God, and adhered to by our Lord himself. 
Just as my mind was perplexed on this 
point, I came across a work just published 
by an eminent Presbyterian divine, the Rev. 
John Bruce, entitled " The Duty and Privi- 
lege of Keeping the Sabbath. " After endea- 
vouring to prove the grounds of the change 
of days, from the seventh to. the first, he 
finds it necessary to sum up thus : " In other 
words, you would reasonably suppose, or 



88 

expect the change should be gone into, which 
the Christian Church affirms hath actually 
taken place/' p. 32. — Here is Protestant au- 
thority to guide me ! If I felt timid to trust 
myself, and to yield to my own doubts, here 
is a Protestant divine who tells me, the best 
authority for the change is the Church's 
having ordered or sanctioned it, in other 
words, tradition ; that for which the good 
gentleman thought fit to separate and dissent 
from the Christian Church for holding ; and 
here he tells us this is the all sufficient rea- 
son for this great change. I believe he 
never spoke truer words; but, from him, 
surely, they are the height of inconsistency. 
Some may here say, but Catholics keep the 
first day as well as we. Yes, they do, but 
they know why they do so ; they keep it 
from the authority recommended by the 
worthy gentleman above, which authority 
he does not acknowledge, and scorns to be 
influenced by. On mentioning the above 
to my friend Mr. H. — he begged I would 
not suffer any uneasiness on account of the 
change from the Sabbath to the first day, 



89 

for, said he, " I can prove to you by a most 
beautiful and clear calculation, that the 
day we keep holy is actually the very same 
day the Patriarchs kept for their Sabbath" 
This was quite a new idea, and presented 
to my mind a hope which realized about as 
much peace to my soul, as a straw held out 
to a drowning man would do ; he would 
grasp at it, but would it save him ? No ; no 
more could the proof that I had actually 
been doing right by observing the day with- 
out knowing it, be a sufficient reason to 
prevent me becoming a Catholic. 

Another strict command I saw given at 
all times, even up to the Christian council at 
Jerusalem, " that all christians abstain as 
a necessary thing from eating blood" 
Acts xv. 22. Whereas I see all Protestants 
partake of it without scruple. Who refrains, 
I would ask, on this account, from eating 
wild fowl ? and yet we all know the blood 
remains in them; or who from black pud- 
ding and such dishes? no one that ever I 
saw. Thus Protestants, I find, are not con- 
sistent either in their profession or their 
8* 



90 

practice ; they do not live by, or up to their 
rule of faith, the ]3ible. Catholics have no 
scruples in eating blood, but they know why 
they can do so, without a breach of this 
command. They have the Bible, His true, 
and they have besides, an authority emana- 
ting from the same source, and therefore, 
the only authority capable of nullifying a 
command therein given from that authority, 
" the Church, " or the " word spoken," as 
St. Paul tells us, 2 Thes. ii. 14, they are 
authorized to eat blood, and by the same 
authority Protestants partake of it, though 
they do not know it, or if they did, they 
dare not say so, for it would be acknow- 
ledging Catholic authority. I mentioned 
these subjects to many who were concerned 
for the progress I was making towards 
Catholicity, just to see if any of them could 
help me out of my doubts, and they one and 
all startled and asked me, was I allowing 
such trifles to unsettle my mind? but I 
would ask such, can anything God has com- 
manded as necessary be a trifle ? or are 
these commands more trifling, or differing 



91 

in their nature from that laid upon our first 
parents, under pain of death, to abstain from 
eating a certain fruit, and yet, from the pun- 
ishment incurred, can any urge or argue the 
fault to have been a trifling one ? Oh, reader, 
look at the results, and by them learn to 
appreciate trifles, when God issues them ! 
Having received, my clerical friends, beau- 
tiful and clear solution, (which I consider 
myself fortunate, in having obtained upon 
paper, in his own hand- writing, or else who 
weuld credit me, that a clergyman of the 
English Church could put forth such an 
assertion,) I cannot resist the temptation of 
giving a copy of it here, to let the reader 
judge of its beauties, and to show to what 
purposes the Holy Scriptures can be wrest- 
ed, when once they are left to the judg- 
ment of man to construe as he pleases. 

(i THE PATRIARCHAL AND CHRISTIAN SABBATH 
CELEBRATED ON ONE AND THE SAME DAY OF 
THE WEEK. 

" Exodus ii. 11, and xxxi. 17, order the observ- 
ance of the 7th day in remembrance of the Crea- 
tion. Deut. v. 15, enjoins it in remembrance of 



92 

the deliverance from Egypt, without any reference 
to the Creation. 

" If the Israelites had left Egypt on the day 
which had previously been observed as the Sabbath 
in remembrance of the Creation, we might con- 
clude that this passage contained an additional 
reason for the observance of this same day ; but if 
they left Egypt on the day before the usual Sab- 
bath, then it can be viewed in no other light than 
as an injunction to observe their Sabbath on a 
different day and for a different reason. 

"That the Israelites left Egypt on the day be- 
fore the Sabbath is thus proved : " They arrived at 
the Wilderness of Sin on the 15th day of the 
second month," Exodus xvi. 1. "The sixth day 
from that day was the day before the Sabbath," v. 
5, and 53, and the 20th day of the month ; con- 
sequently the 21 st was the Sabbath, and the 22d was 
the day after the Sabbath. If we reckon back we 
shall find that the 15th, the 8th, and the 1st days 
of this month were also the days after the Sabbath ; 
and so that the 30th and the last day of the preced- 
ing month Abib, which is called the first month, 
was the Sabbath day, and consequently the 29th, 
the 22d, and the 15th days were the days before 
the Sabbath, but the 15th was the day on which the 
Israelites left Egypt. Numbers xxxiii. 3. 

" I wish, my dear friend, he concludes, that all 
that has been stated to you by Romish priests, was 



93 

equally capable of that clear demonstration which 1 
have given you above ! ! /" 

As I said before, I leave those who read 
these lines, to judge of their clearness and 
beauty. To me it appears, if anything is 
proved, it is that Friday ought to be the 
day kept holy; but suppose for argument 
sake, his point is proved, then it follows, that 
the whole christian world has mistaken the 
seventh day of the week for the first, while 
the whole Jewish world must have mistaken 
the sixth of the week for the seventh — for 
unquestionably our Christian sabbath is kept 
on the day immediately following the sab- 
bath of the Jews, therefore, if our sabbath 
be still the seventh day, and not the first of 
the week, as the Christian world has always 
supported it, then, the whole Christian 
world has been wrong from the beginning ; 
and if our Christian sabbath be still the 
seventh day, and not the first, as it is cer- 
tainly the day immediately following the 
sabbath of the Jews— then .the Jewish sab- 
bath must have been the sixth day of the 
week, or Friday, and not the seventh day, 



94 

(Saturday ;) thus it follows, the Jews were 
all wrong as well as the Christians, and no- 
body is right but my friend Mr. H. ; and yet 
Mr. H. believes that Christ died on Friday ', 
or the eve of the Jewish sabbath, and keeps 
Good Friday accordingly ; and moreover, 
Mr. H. believes that our Saviour kept the 
Jewish sabbath as the sabbath, and the 
proper one, and therefore, Mr. H. to be con- 
sistent, must believe that Christ himself was 
wrong upon the subject ! ! 

Well, indeed, might he and every other 
friend I have in the world, bemoan over me, 
if all I have learnt from priests, and adopted, 
from my soul, to the exclusion of every other 
hope, could be no better proved, or clearly 
demonstrated than what is stated above. 
Yes, common tears would be but a poor 
offering at such a shrine, tears of blood 
would not be too much for a soul so lost. 

Many other Protestant inconsistencies I 
could enumerate — things which they do not 
authorize in scriptures, and things which 
they neglect, therein commanded, as the 
oneness and unity amongst them, which is 



95 

well exemplified in the varieties of ways 
they dealt with me. I may as well instance 
a few things, in order to prove my assertions. 

Infant baptism — where is the command in 
scripture for it ? no where ; on the contrary 
the Bible says, to be baptized we must be- 
lieve, and that we all know no child can 
do ; and yet the Protestant pretends to ad- 
here to the Bible, and denounces without 
mercy the Catholic, whom he is pleased to 
consider as taught to neglect the Bible ; but 
I would ask him, why he baptizes his child ? 
He cannot tell why he does it, only he does 
it, and would not for the world leave it 
undone. Nor does his minister know why 
he makes the sign of the cross upon the 
head of the child when baptizing it, nor can 
he tell why it is necessary why it should be 
apologized for in the Prayer Book ; but 
both the one and the other, whether they 
know it or not, depend upon the authorty 
of the Catholic Church. 

Then again, Protestants say the scriptures 
are infallible ; so they are, but not to them, 
to be so infallible, they must be infallibly 



96 

interpreted, and not according to the fruit- 
ful and frenzied fancy of every presump- 
tuous mind, that declares itself directed by 
God to unfold them. In this declaration I 
am supported by scripture, 2 Peter hi. 16. — 
" There are certain things in scripture hard 
to be understood, which the unlearned and 
unstable, ivrest, (as they do also the other 
scriptures,) to their own destruction." 
Nevertheless, the unlearned, yes, all, all, 
are pronounced by the Protestant faith to be 
fit and perfectly capable of interpreting for 
themselves, whereas, scripture expressly 
tells them, they do so, only to their own 
destruction. Is this infallibility ? But even 
if these passages were not in holy writ, to 
attest against the abuse to which the scrip- 
tures have been brought by the Protestant 
faith, would not the effect produced by 
every one, judging for himself, prove it to 
be an invention of man ? Can God be the 
author of confusion ? Does He give a rule 
of faith, and pronounce it infallible, in order 
to lead men to unity and oneness, and then 
direct them to form some hundred faiths, 



97 

beliefs, and religions upon it. Never, never ! 
reason, sense, and scripture, all pronounce 
it impossible. But if such be the Protestant 
rule of faith, then, I ask any person with 
one iota of justice in his composition, how, 
after what I have produced from my Bible, 
can I be blamed for the change I have 
made ? Happy, happy change ! 

But to give a clearer proof of how com- 
pletely the Protestant system overturns the 
infallibility of scripture, and turns it into a 
floodgate of error and untruth, I will give 
a slight sketch of my own experience. 

Born a member of the Episcopal Church, 
I was happy as such for many years of my 
life, never dreaming but my church was the 
true one, founded upon a rock ; the idea of 
its not being such never once entered my 
head. Time passed, and I was obliged to 
change my residence, but in doing so, I 
found I must lose the best part of my reli- 
gion^ not being able to bring my minister 
with me, for, it seemed to me, the best part 
of religion centered in him, not in the church. 
He was a good man, and I could find no 
9 



98 

piety like his. In distress about my soul, I 
looked about me for something to come up 
to my ideas of religion, and by chance fell 
upon a class of Protestants called " Wesleyan 
Methodists." Here I saw greater devotion, 
more frequent attendance at their churches, 
greater helps to devotion and serving God, 
though differing widely from the interpreta- 
tion of scripture I had heard in my former 
church. However, I determined to use 
what they had to offer, until I could find 
better, not, however, to become one of them : 
the inducements were not quite sufficient for 
that. Time rolls on, and I am again forced 
to move my dwelling. In this place I could 
find no Methodist Church, nor any thing 
belonging to them ; here again I was all in 
a puzzle. However, I set upon a search 
again, and at last decided there was real re- 
ligion, in appearance at least, amongst 
another branch of the fruitful tree of Pro- 
testants called " Presbyterians." I followed 
this persuasion for a little time, because / 
fancied they preached sounder gospel, than 
was to be had in the Episcopal Church of 



99 

the place where I was, but the thought 
never crossed my imagination of becoming 
one of them, for I saw nothing to enable me 
to say, here is the truth which I can give a 
reason for professing. At last I change my 
home, (for I have seen a great deal of the 
world,) and am again in a puzzle to know 
where to direct my steps as to the goal of 
truth. The thought naturally presented it- 
self, truth is one, therefore, these three per- 
suasions that I have lately had to do with, 
cannot be all right, because they widely 
differed from each other. The Bible told 
me, Christ had left one faith, one church, 
and one baptism, and the question is, where 
is this church. Amongst Protestants, the 
Wesleyan minister tells me his is it ; that he 
had prayed and prayed again, and that God 
had taught him to understand scripture as 
taught by his church. The Protestant minis- 
ter says, "no, my church is it, for I have 
prayed as well and longer than he has, and 
my church was an old one before his was 
in existence. " Then, says the Presbyterian 
minister, t( never mind either of them, for 



100 

if they have prayed long, I have prayed 
better, and God has taught me that I only 
am right" 

Now, these are all Protestants, but they 
are only 3 out of 100 of other sorts of Pro- 
testants, who all draw their different beliefs 
from the Bible. Will you, reader, condemn 
me ? If so, tell me how I am to decide 
which of these is right, and which wrong? 
Does the truth of scripture depend upon the 
mind of the person who declares it ? God 
has not, nor cannot have taught them all 
differently, unless as is blasphemy to sup- 
pose, he taught them lies, and led them into 
confusion. Whilst I am thus puzzled, by 
the good providence of God, I suddenly light 
upon the original and true church, from 
which all these good folks have thought fit to 
sever themselves, and to become protesters 
against her, even "the Catholic Church" 
But then, its being the Catholic Church is 
quite enough. Truth, I had been taught to 
believe, had never been there ; and indeed 
of myself, I should as soon have thought of 
going to the moon for it, as to the Catholic 



101 

Church, it was so universally spoken ill of, 
so universally written against ; and more 
than that, its priests are declared to be the 
worst men alive. In fact, if the stories 
Protestants tell, and Protestant clergymen 
too, were true, they could be nothing better 
than devils. This, of course, could not be 
the Church of Christ, at least, as I said be- 
fore, if all this be true! Blessed be God 
for this saving clause, though at that time 
I never doubted it was true ; but like all 
other Protestants, my horror of the Catholic 
Church was built upon imaginary evils, 
flights of my own fancy, not things that I 
could either prove to exist, or prove to be 
evil. However, the question still remained 
unanswered, where was the Church of 
Christ? I could not tell; however, having 
by the greatest accident come across the 
marks which the Catholic Church boasts of 
as a proof that she is the only true church 
pointed out in scripture, I thought I would 
try how far she bore to be compared with 
scripture ; for, that God had pointed out his 



102 

own church in scripture sufficiently to direct 
earnest inquiries, I felt no doubt. 

First, then, I saw from the whole tenor of 
Scripture, as I before explained, the Church 
of Christ was to be one. The Catholic 
Church only I found to be that in all 
places. Go where you will, or to what 
land you like, there you will find the Catho- 
lic Church identically the same in its doctrine, 
practices, and belief, as at the fountain head, 
Rome, or elsewhere. Whereas, I saw that, 
to which I belonged, had come out of the 
Catholic Church; and, on its new rule of 
faith had divided itself into a hundred dif- 
ferent beliefs. Besides, what more common 
than to hear people talk thus : " Oh, is not 
Mr. Blank a beautiful preacher ; I like him, 
because he preaches High Church." " Oh," 
says another, " I like Mr. Suchabody better, 
because he is Low Church in his doctrine." 
Then, a third will say, " I don't like either 
of them so well as some other Mr. — they 
don't either of them preach the Gospel ; but 
come and hear him, and for the first time 



103 

you will hear the truth," and so on. But, 
such divisions told me, that the Church to 
which they belonged could not be the 
Church of Christ ; for His own words are, 
that "no Church or Kingdom divided against 
itself, can stand ;" and most true these words 
have proved as regards the Protestant 
Church, for her own people have done more 
to undermine her foundation, than even the 
Catholic Church with all her perfections. 
A second discovery I made, was, that the 
Church of Christ should be evil spoken of, 
and that His true disciples should be uni- 
versally despised ; for when Christ was 
called a wine-bibber, a deceiver, and even a 
devil, he did not rebuke his slanderers, but 
mildly turned to his faithful followers, and 
said, If they have called me, your Lord and 
master,jall these things, how much more you, 
behold this is your heritage ! By this very 
reproach, this scorn, these bitter things, 
am I at last directed to the true Church of 
Christ ; for who can be at a loss to find out 
those men, whom all the world (who know 
them not) agree in abusing? None, none, 



104 

who ever saw a priest of the holy Catholic 
Church. Oh, yes, happy priests, and holy 
Church ! glory to be God, I have found you 
both out, for ye are one, and the very things 
which made rne once abhor you both, by 
the grace of God, now lead me to you ; and 
my respect for her sacred priests, set apart 
for God's service only, is as unbounded now, 
as once it was wanting towards them. Yes, 
happy priests, those who speak ill of you, 
must resort to lies ; but let the fulness with 
which your earthly heritage is heaped upon 
you, be an encouragement and security for 
that, which is to come, and which surely 
awaits you with increasing brightness, in 
proportion as your fame in this world is 
deteriorated. Yes, this is the Church of 
Christ, this is the faith, and the only faith 
which will sever a child from his parents, 
and Christ knew that, when he told us, " Ye 
must not love father or mother more than 
me, else ye shall not be worthy of me;" 
yes, and this is the faith that even a hus- 1 
band's authority must yield to, and it is that 
faith for which all must be parted, even the 



105 

right eye, if required ; and, lastly, it is the 
faith which brings with it a cross to bear, 
by which Jesus marks us for his own. Oh, 
yes, I have found it at last, and the question 
which presented itself to me so often as a 
Protestant, and which I never could answer, 
is at last answered. The Catholic faith is 
the faith which will produce these results, 
and it is that faith also, upon the truth of 
which a man will willingly stake his im- 
mortal soul. Yes, yes, here will I live and 
here will I die. I have found the rock, a 
sure resting place, a harbour to anchor, 
where, though varying winds may ruffle, 
they can never uproot my peace, and it 
were as available to urge a poor weary 
mariner, who suddenly finds his ship all 
leaky, her helm gone, and himself unable to 
stem the tide, to avoid land which he sees 
within reach, and which offers him shelter 
and repose, as to try and persuade me to 
discard this faith. No, like the mariner I 
hear no words, I have no concern, but how 
I can soonest leave the ship that has failed 
me to reach the land, and if it were hopeless 



106 

to urge him before, how still more so, when 
he has reached the land, and finds it offers 
him a pleasant shade, rich and delicious 
food, all in fact that his soul could wish for, 
to live, and find delight. Would any try 
and persuade such a one to return to his 
leaky ship again? then neither need they 
me, for our cases are similar. 

With all these convictions upon my mind, 
I felt there was but one effort more to be 
made for the satisfaction of my friends, be- 
fore I became a Catholic, which was to get 
a bishop professing each faith to discuss 
their rules of faith before me, and other 
Protestants, to decide which of these men 
in equally exalted stations, could prove his 
church to be founded upon a rock. At this 
point of my little history, I wrote off to my 
parents to tell them exactly the state of my 
mind, and to beg they would send for a 
sister I had brought with me, for I thought 
though I might act for myself, I had no right 
to influence their other child, at least with- 
out their knowledge. Having done this, I 
called upon the Protestant bishop, to mak 



• 



107 

my request to him, but I could not see him, 
as he was from home ; however, I wrote to 
him, to request he would meet the Catholic 
bishop to whom I had first made applica- 
tion, and finding him ready to do anything 
to establish my peace and security, I never 
doubted for a moment I should find my own 
bishop equally ready. 

I was necessitated to make this request 
of him, because I found that in one conver- 
sation with the Catholic bishop, the learning, 
reading, and result of meditation of my 
whole life, were uprooted and destroyed. 
Therefore I felt the only way to come to a 
just, fair, and lasting conclusion, was to get 
my Protestant bishop to defend his and my 
faith, against the Catholic bishop, for al- 
though I might not be able to answer all 
the queries the Protestant bishop might put 
to me, still I had lost my faith, and the only 
way it could be restored was, to be witness 
with others, to the defeat of the Catholic 
bishop by the Protestant. This would have 
satisfied me — nothing short of it could. To 
this conclusion I was additionally forced to 



108 

come, by the result of a conversation be- 
tween the Catholic bishop and my friend 
the Rev. Mr. H., who suddenly arrived in 
answer to my letter home, to bear my sister 
and myself, if he could from Edinburgh. I 
as may well be supposed, refused to return 
with him, until I had proved my own faith, 
and if I found it fallible, embraced without 
delay an infallible one, before I dare venture 
my precious soul on the deep waters. 

I urged my friend, therefore, to meet the 
Catholic bishop, who happened accidentally 
to come to the house. He consented. They 
talked for about five minutes, and in that 
short space of time, the bishop had just got 
him into a corner, out of which he felt he 
never could make an honourable retreat. 
So, rising up, he repeated a long passage of 
scripture, with such precision and speed, as 
if he thought the feat he had performed, 
was a silencer in itself, and bounced out of 
the room, utterly forgetful of that good 
breeding which we might expect to find in a 
clergyman of so fashionable a church. The 
bishop was actually in the middle of a sen 



109 

tence, when my friend started up. But we 
must not be too hard upon him, as it was a 
desperate case. I must confess my untutored 
temper was not a little tried, when on fol- 
lowing him down stairs, I heard him tell my 
sister it was perfect child's play, talking 
with that Catholic bishop ! He said so, and, 
although he meant it very differently, I in- 
deed felt it was but too true, to have exposed 
the Protestant faith to such a defender, and 
such an opponent to the Catholic bishop, 
who I was soon to learn was the dread and 
terror of all the Protestant clergy in Edin-* 
burgh. However, my friend's sudden dis- 
appearance was rather unfortunate at that 
moment, as he had just chosen the passage 
of scripture to astonish the bishop with, 
which his lordship would have chosen to 
confound him. Having this example before 
me to warn me of the uselessness of hearing 
anything upon the subject of religion, with- 
out witnesses to attest the truth of what 
actually passed, I felt little inclined to meet 
the Protestant bishop in the way he wished, 
to have him say afterwards something in 

10 



110 

the style of my friend above. Besides, I 
considered my promise to my parents to see 
this bishop quite met, by having conversed 
with two clergymen on the subject, since 
making that promise, and especially as they 
both so effectually led me into Catholicity. 
The following are my letters to the Pro- 
testant bishop, and his replies. 

" My Lord, 

"The motive which compels me to address your 
Lordship, being one of the utmost importance, I 
feel that you will not deem any apology necessary. 
Having come to Edinburgh some weeks ago, I 
have been thrown, a good deal, into Catholic so- 
ciety, and doubts have arisen in my mind, with 
respect to the grounds of the faith I have sincerely 
professed during my whole life. 1 wish some ex- 
planation on this subject, the principal cause of my 
uneasiness arising, from what appears to me at pre- 
sent to be, the insecure foundation on which seems 
to rest the very essence of my hitherto Protestant 
convictions. Will you allow me to ask, if for the 
sake of my precious soul, as well as the satisfaction 
of my friends, you will be kind enough to come to 

my assistance, by meeting at Mr. the Right 

Rev. Dr. Gillis, (Catholic bishop,) to discuss with 
him the rule of faith Christ must have left to his 



Ill 

Church, as upon the issue of that question must 
depend my joining the Catholic Church, or my con- 
tinued adherence to the Episcopal communion in 
which I was reared. 

" Yours, most respectfully, 

" FANNY MARIA P1TTAR." 

(His Lordship's Reply.) 
" Madam, 

" I lose no time in answering your note ; and in 
assuring you, that I am anxious to do anything in 
my power for bringing your mind to a steady convic- 
tion of the true faith, as delivered to mankind by 
Christ and his apostles. But you must allow me 
to doubt, whether the most rational plan for this 
purpose is for me to meet and discuss the rule of 
faith, with Dr. Gillis, in your presence. 

" From such a conference you might have suffi- 
cient grounds for deciding which was the cleverer 
man, which had studied the subject most carefully ; 
and other points, entirely personal to the two dis- 
putants, but very remotely bearing upon the great 
point at issue. 

" It appears to me much more expedient, that I 
should at any rate, in the first instance, see you 
alone; and know from your own explanation what 
are the points in which the creed in which you have 
been educated, appears to you unsatisfactory, and 
wherein the Romish Church appears to offer you 
greater satisfaction. 



112 

» 

" I will, if you choose, call for you on Monday, 
between one and two o'clock. In the mean time, 
earnestly advising you to lay all your doubts before 
Him, who has promised, that those who will do 
His will, shall know of the doctrine, whether it be 
of God or of men. 

" I am, Madam, 

" Yours, faithfully, 
"C. H. S. 
" Bishop." 

(My Second Letter.) 
"My Lord, 

" In reply to your note of yesterday, I beg to say 
that my reason for requesting the conference between 
you and Dr. Gillis, was more for the sake of show- 
ing to my friends I had not refused to hear both 
sides of the question fairly argued, than for the 
satisfaction of my own mind. I therefore applied 
to your Lordship, as the highest authority of that 
light I had hitherto followed, and wished to listen 
to what Dr. Gillis, the authority on the other side, 
would say, in opposing to you the rule of faith of 
the Church to which he belongs, and which lays 
claim to an unbroken line of succession from the 
Apostles ; and also to the inheritance of the pro- 
mises of Jesus Christ, to be with her even to the 
end of the world. 

"Your objecting to such a conference, as afford- 
ing grounds of contrast to the abilities of the dispu- 



113 

tants, would be equally met by separate interviews. 
I feel, then, that the benefit you would derive for 
me, shall be best, and indeed I may say, can only 
be obtained, were I and an unprejudiced friend to 
be present at what you and Bishop Gillis would 
say, for your respective communions. 

* If your Lordship decline this my conscience is 
clear. I shall forward to my relations your reasons 
for so doing, along with my own for declining pri- 
vate conference. But if your Lordship will meet 
me to-morrow, to discuss with Dr. Gillis, very 
briefly, the comparative rules of faith of the two 
Churches, it would be a great favor. 

"Most respectfully yours, 

"FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 

(His Answer.) 
" Madam, 

11 1 still think that the result of a conference be- 
tween me and Bishop Gillis in your presence, would 
be nothing better than a determination whether Dr. 
Gillis or I were the acuter disputant. By private 
interviews on the other hand, leading to the requi- 
site reading on the subject, you would learn, not 
what we can say in a given time, but what can be 
said on both sides of the subject. 

" The questions at issue between us of the Be- 

formed Catholic Church, and those who adhere to the 

communion of Rome, are so numerous, and may be 

treated in such various ways, that unless I knew 

10* 



114 

something beforehand of your state of information, 
and convictions, my arguments might be quite 

BESIDE THE PURPOSE. 

" Of course this objection would be strengthened, 
if I thought that Dr. Gillis had personally or by 
information a knowledge of your present views, re- 
specting which I am entirely in the dark. 

" While then, Madam, I offer to visit you as a 
minister of Christ, and to counsel you to the best of 
my knowledge, I must still decline meeting Bishop 
Gillis, for whose character and attainments, it is 
right to say, I feel a high respect. 
"I am, Madam, 

" Your obedient servant, 
" C. H. S. 
" Bishop." 

(My Reply.) 

" My Lord, 

u In reply to your note of last evening, I beg to 
say most respectfully, I am quite satisfied. What 
I asked of your Lordship was not to prove the state 
of my mind, but whether the Protestant rule of 
faith was infallible or not. Your declining to meet 
Dr. Gillis to discuss this subject, only strengthens 
me in my new, but present faith ; he did not desire 
this meeting, but I asked it of him to enable me to 
decide. 

" If, then, Bishop Gillis to win a soul, would do 
most gladly what you cannot bring yourself to, to 



115 

save one, I with a heart overpowered with gratitude 
to God for showing me at last where truth is, if I 
had not abundant other proofs, should now embrace 
Catholicity, from the different spirit, I am forced to 
conclude, guides and influences her different bishops. 
" Yours respectfully, 

" FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 

The above letters I should not feel myself 
at liberty to make public, had they been 
written under the badge of friendship : they 
were not so. I addressed his lordship, as 
the head of the Protestant Church in Edin- 
borough, as the shepherd I was to apply to 
for succour, but I fled to him in vain : 
therefore, I count, he can be but an hireling, 
when he would not make a sacrifice to save 
one of his flock. 

The result of my communication with 
the Protestant bishop, I have given, and, I 
confess, by the time it was over, I felt little 
inclined to go and learn my catechism, 
again, as he would fain think necessary. I 
thought twenty-eight years, quite enough to 
have devoted to it already, along with Pro- 
testant preaching and reading, to which I 
devoted myself, especially, for the last 



116 

twelve years, with great sincerity, caring 
for nothing else ; and if it was to stand me 
in no better stead, than that a few conver- 
sations with a Catholic, was to overturn it 
all, I felt, as I said before, little inclined to 
trust myself to its guidance again. Indeed, 
I*felt persuaded, that a person, who began 
to see her own faith and church to be false, 
and another right, who to be guided and 
directed, still went to the ministers of her 
former church, acted no wiser a part, than 
one who found suddenly she had been 
drinking poison, when, instead of instantly 
having recourse to an antidote, she said, as 
the poison was sweet, I will have a little 
more first. The one would have as good a 
chance to be saved as the other ; — so I 
thought, at least, and therefore, I acted up 
to my convictions. 

But, although the Protestant bishop would 
not come to my help, or rather, would not 
expose himself to the power of truth, (for, 
if he possessed it himself, what need he 
have cared to face all the talents ever 
heaped upon man,) I felt a great desire, 



117 

knowing the effect truth had had upon my- 
self that some of these good and sincere Pro- 
testant clergymen, should be induced, under 
the plea for my sake, (but entirely for their 
own,) to meet this so much dreaded Catho- 
lic bishop. Just at this time, a good and 
pious Presbyterian lady, who felt truly 
concerned at my change, (she being the 
sister of my friend's husband,) and who, on 
discovering my religious tendency, had fain 
hoped I should have convinced her sister- 
in-law of the errors of Catholicity, instead 
of being myself convinced of its truth,) gave 
me the opportunity of doing my best to at- 
tain this end, by herself proposing there 
should be a meeting of the clergymen hold- 
ing different faiths. She herself said she 
would be quite delighted to be present. 

I then told her, I could get no clergyman, 
to meet a Catholic priest, but that any or 
all of the priests were ready at a call. 

At hearing this her indignation arose, and 
she started off, saying she would find plenty 
who would be only too glad to come ; men, 
whose zeal for the salvation of souls was 



118 

such, that they would snatch with delight, 
any opportunity of rescuing one from de- 
struction ; and, she ended, by saying, " if 
your clever Episcopalians will not come, 
you shall see what our Presbyterian clergy 
are made of." She went away, and in all 
anxiety, I waited her returning, hoping to 
have to tell the bishop, I had some scores of 
Protestant divines to meet him ; but, lo ! in- 
stead of herself and the clergymen, a note 
came to say, her clergy could not have a pri- 
vate interview with a Catholic clergyman for 
fear of dissension ! but that they would 
meet Dr. Gillis on a public platform. To 
the above I made the following reply — the 
proposal which I was authorized to make, 
by this good and zealous man, who shrank 
not to declare his master's truth, and cause, 
in any way, or every way, wherein he 
' could hope for his blessing. 

iC My Dear Miss, 

" I deeply regret on your account, as you ex- 
pressed so strong a desire to hear both sides of 
this question, that these zealous gentlemen to whom 
you have been, cannot venture even to save a soul on 



119 

a private interview. In my humble opinion, a pri- 
vate discussion is less likely to breed dissension 
than a public one. Their very generous offer to come 
forward publicly, I must inform you, has not so 
much in it as you may suppose, as they must all be 
aware that Bishop Gillis has publicly and in print 
stated, that he would meet any individual or num- 
ber of clergymen in any way, except on a public 
platform ! His reasons for refusing this are many 
and good, however, for your sake, he is willing to 
do much, and therefore, he authorizes me to say, he 
will meet any number of clergymen you can collect, 
or that your brother's drawing-rooms will hold, 
which will not be less than 200, and he will not re- 
quire one Catholic to support or be present with 
him. 

44 If I seem over anxious on this subject, you 
must forgive me ; it is because I have' seen in you 
a sincerity and desire, which possessing myself, I 
have been unable to resist Catholicity. But I would 
just remark, that although I hold every doctrine 
and principle of the Catholic Church, as Catholics 
hold them, yet not one as Protestants conceive them. 
Believe me there is something in all this, something 
worth your attention ; and as a lie will always dis- 
cover upon itself, surely a person professing (as 
they suppose) the truth, need not be afraid to make 
the search. 

Most sincerely yours, 

FANNY MARIA PITTAR.'" 



120 

To the above letter I received another 
negative. These very conscientious gentle- 
men would not meet Dr. Gillis — they must 
beg to decline doing so, since he could only 
declare the truth in a corner ! — that cor- 
ner, however, would have held more than 
all the Protestant clergymen in Edinburgh. 
But any excuse is better than to face the 
truth when one is not prepared to embrace 
it! 

When I had reached this point, I could 
not but feel I had done enough to satisfy 
any reasonable being of my sincerity ; and, 
therefore, I determined to trifle no longer, 
with the grace that was given me. On the 
24th of February, 1S42, 1 became a Catho- 
lic ! ! an undeserving, but a happy Catholic, 
my peace increasing with my days ! 

A Catholic! la Catholic! the thought 
is startling, and the idea, almost overwhelm- 
ing ! but lest my feelings should be miscon- 
ceived, let me pause one moment in my 
little narrative, to indulge in the delicious 
thought ; and whilst I think, oh, how shall 
I refrain from that power divine, by which 






121 

I know and feel this wonderful change has 
been wrought in me. — Once so zealously 
and sincerely opposed to everything Catho- 
lic, now, as it were, living and feeding upon 
it, to my souPs unspeakable delight. Once 
a respected member of a respected society, 
a devoted child to the best of parents; a 
beloved wife of an incomparable husband ; 
a doating mother of a lively offspring -, now, 
severed, perhaps, in every one of the above 
relations, and yet, resigned, contented, pos- 
sessing only Catholicity ! Oh, mystery 
worthy of being solved, how shall I endea- 
vour to unfold the secret, which God him- 
self could only have revealed to me ! ! 

Need I here increase my own deep feel- 
ing of what I owe to God, for this wonder 
he has wrought in me, or the amazement of 
those, who may, with unbiassed feelings, 
trace the path I have lately trodden, by re- 
calling or adverting to the appeals made to 
me, by those I almost held dearer than life 
at that trying moment, when first the 
thought, the immense thought, forced itself 
upon me, that the Catholic Church was the 
11 



122 

true and only Church of Christ, and that if 
I would save my immortal soul, I must enter 
its fold, even at the loss of all those dear 
ties ? Need I revert to the heart-rending 
appeals made to me, by a mother, whom I 
adored, and to whom, till now, I had ever 
been a consolation, not to break her heart, 
not to inflict the severest pang she had ever 
felt, by taking the dreaded step of declaring 
myself a Catholic ; or, first, to the impor- 
tunity, prayers, arguments, entreaties, and 
then threats, of a father, whom I had never 
before offended ? Or, need I hint at the 
thousand hopes and fears which alternately 
rushed upon me, as to the effects the news 
might have upon my absent husband, whose 
love and fidelity, though I had once thought 
them stronger than death, I now almost 
fancied might yield ? Need I revert to all 
this, and a thousand other real and imagi- 
nary woes, which rent and tore my heart, 
until then almost a stranger to real sorrow ? 
Yes, I will just allude to them ; (paint them 
as they really were I never can,) that should 
these lines meet the eye of any one, who, 



123 

li^e myself, was reared in ignorance of that 
truth, by which only the soul may be as- 
sured of happiness, yet still possessing that 
sincerity for his salvation, as to enable him 
even to part with all for its sake, he may 
see I did not embrace Catholicity without a 
struggle ; and keen and sharp as that strug- 
gle was, he may know still further that it 
was worth enduring, yes, if it could have 
been ten thousand times more acute than it 
was, for the treasure I know and feel I 
possess in consequence. Oh, let me close 
my eyes to the dark side of this little sketch, 
and paint for a minute the peace, the calm, 
the security, the delight, the ecstasy of 
having come to truth, truth that can never 
fail, truth that will be the same when all 
that now exists shall have passed away for 
ever, — and that truth too, revealing, be- 
stowing, and manifesting to me Jesus Christ, 
the Redeemer of my soul. He who said, 
"I will show you what great things you 
must suffer for my sake ;" and again, " If 
ye love father, mother, husband, or chil- 
dren more than me, ye are not worthy of 



124 

me." Yes, it was for Jesns I endured all, 
and did he leave me without a recompense ? 
Oh ! let my tongue be sealed in death, when 
it shall cease to praise him for the mercy he 
has shown me, for the recompense he has 
heaped upon me, for the peace I enjoy, for 
all, and every thing. Even my very sor- 
rows, I can but praise him for them, for they 
led me to joys, unknown and untasted, but 
by those for whom they are prepared. 

The step taken; my peace made with 
heaven, and my soul enjoying the precious 
fruits of the happy exchange I had made ; 
my thoughts naturally fell upon the good 
man, who had first been the means of lead- 
ing me to suspect all was not right with the 
foundation, on which I had been building 
for eternity. 

His answer relative to Ash Wednesday, 
showed me he was not perfectly satisfied 
with what he professed himself. Instantly, 
therefore, I determined to go to him, and 
tell him all that had happened to me, if, 
perhaps, God might thereby convince him, 
it was better to sell all in this world to buy 



125 

eternal life in the next. I went to him — we 
conversed for more than two hours. I told 
him how happy I was, and how infinitely I 
preferred the scorn and desertion of the 
world, with what I possessed, to the whole 
world without it. He looked quite puzzled, 
and said nothing, but that I had taken a very 
awful step. I asked him, if he would read 
something I would give him, because I per- 
sisted in asserting he did not know what the 
Catholic faith was. He said he would read 
anything I gave him. I told him, I had done 
my best to get his bishop to meet the Ca- 
tholic one, before I became a Catholic, but 
that he would not do so. He said, if it 
was not treason (these were his very words) 
to say so, he thought his bishop had done 
very wrong; but, that if I had gone to him 
before I became a Catholic, he certainly 
would have done anything to save me ; for 
he thought I had done an awful thing, and 
he pitied me from his soul, being so misled. 
This was all very good, and natural; but 
now for the proof of his sincerity. " Will 
you/' said I, " come and meet my bishop, 
11* 



126 

and prove your rule of faith before him ?" 
" No," said he, " certainly not, you are past 
hope, therefore why should I do so useless 
a thing ? Had you applied to me in time 
to save your soul, I would have done that 
or anything else, but not now." Why I did 
not apply to him was, I thought my friend 

Miss had done so, for I knew he was 

a favourite of hers, although not belonging 
to the same form of worship ; and although 
I do not know positively whether she did 
or not, I really believe she did — but that is 
nothing to the present purpose. Well, said 
I, that is just and fair, but one soul is just 
of as much value to you as another, espe- 
cially as I never saw you before but once 
in my life, and never may again. I come 
to you, therefore, in behalf of another who 
has witnessed my conversion, who sees that 
I have failed to get any Protestant clergy- 
man to meet a Catholic one, or to defend 
his faith ; will you come, therefore, for the 
sake of this person, who is no other than 
the husband of my dear friend, and who, I 
have every reason to believe and hope will 



127 

very soon follow my example, simply be- 
cause he sees you are all afraid to defend 
the faith you profess. 

After some hesitation he said, " I do not 
think I am called upon to do so for Mr. 

, for if I did I should be called upon 

by Mr. A , and Mr. B , and Mr. 

C , and thus I should be taken up in- 
stead of attending to my own people, to 
whom I owe more than I can even accom- 
plish/' I here urged his inconsistency, and 
demanded if it did not strike him there was 
something the matter, when no Protestant 
clergyman would dare to face a Catholic 
priest. " Oh," said he, " it is exposing our 
truth, for we all know what a clever man 
Dr. Gillis is." But, said I, all the talents 
in the world can never prove a lie to be 
truth ; no, you know it cannot ; therefore, 
come in the name of God, if you think you 
possess truth, and the moment you confound 
my Catholic clergyman, I cease to be a 
Catholic. I was very earnest indeed, for I 
hoped the man was sincere, and I felt if I 
could only get him to come, his own eyes 



128 

might be opened. I did not, therefore, stand 
upon any ceremony, and my importunity 
was so great, that he was actually con- 
strained to meet me half way. " I will 
tell you then," said he, " what I will do for 
you. I will hear Dr. Gillis discuss with you 
the rule of faith, and I will go behind a 
screen, and when he is gone I will prove 

all he said to be false ! ! ! Mr. D you 

astonish me, I am utterly amazed, and can 
hardly believe my own ears, said I, and can 
only say, I regret, indeed, that no one is 
present but these walls, to witness to your 
words. 

Whoever reads this, need not be sur- 
prised I did not give him the opportunity of 
giving me this proof! We parted. — My 
feelings of sorrow for him being much 
greater, and better founded, than his for me. 
But I did not give him up. I knew him to 
be a good, though deceived man, and I still 
hoped. I believe he was perfectly puzzled 
at my earnestness, for he promised to read 
two tracts for me. 

Some days after, I felt anxious to know 



129 

the result upon his mind of the perusal of 
my pamphlets. I went, therefore, to him 
again, and conversed for another two hours. 
To the best of my tracts, " The Church of 
Peace and Truth," he had nothing whatever 
to object, except that there were some quo- 
tations from scripture in it, which he did not 
think applicable. But in the other, he said, 
there was a horrid blasphemy, which was 
quite sufficient for him, and that was, the 
Blessed Virgin, being styled u The Mother 
of God." I was so surprised at his denying 
this, that I could say nothing, for I thought 
we must have misunderstood each other. 
So I left him, still begging, as a great fa- 
vour, he would read Dr. Wiseman's lectures 
on Transubstantiation, as he objected much 
to that doctrine. He said, he would. How- 
ever, when I got home, I thought over all 
we had said, and all I might have said, and 
I thought I would make one trial more, by 
writing the following letter : — 

"Dear Sir: 

" Once more I intrude myself upon your notice, 
humbly hoping that the sincerity you have wit- 



130 

nessed in me, will plead an excuse to you in my 
behalf for such intrusions. Oh, why is it that I 
am so anxious — so solicitous about you 1 why — but 
because, by the providence of God, I was directed 
to you when a stranger in a strange land, as his 
minister, and one on whom I felt I had a claim as 
such, to solve a difficulty. Your reply was such 
as to prove to me I was on an insecure foundation 
for my immortal soul, and that you were not your- 
self perfectly satisfied with every appointment of 
your own church. From thence, as also afterwards 
from your own mouth, I learned, that although you 
feel quite calm, you feel quite certain you have 
found a Saviour able and willing to save your soul, 
still you will till death- fear and tremble, feeling it 
is not impossible your rule of faith may be fallible, 
and therefore, not such as will stand you at the 
awful day of judgment. This then, along with the 
universal voice, pronouncing you a sincere and 
godly man, makes me feel interested for you be- 
yond what words can express. 

" But why, again, should this interest be excited 
towards one, who professes himself satisfied with 
the faith he holds, although he cannot prove it 
infallible 1 why, but — because (if I would not be 
misunderstood as comparing myself, who am less 
than the very least, to one so capable, so learned, 
and so devoted as yourself,) it is but one short 
month since I held with powerful sincerity, the 
very same faith you, this instant, rest upon ; yes, 



131 

and I held it zealously. Nevertheless, within that 
short space of time, it has pleased God to show me 
a more perfect, more united, and a better rule of 
faith, one worthy of God, because infallible — a way 
so straight that the eye can see with clearness even 
to the very end of it, so garnished with truth and 
certainty, that the soul let into it from a bye-path, 
on first rinding it, is so overwhelmed with joy and 
gratitude, that in telling others of the way she has 
found, they can but suspect her of madness ; so 
great is her delight, for it is a way so simple and 
safe, that the way-faring man, though a fool, cannot 
err therein — a way in which all are invited to go, 
and from which none will be excluded, but those 
who will not try for themselves, whether it be all, 
it is so joyously and fearlessly declared to be, by 
those who have already tried it. 

Twice I have had the privilege of conversing 
with you since this happy change in my faith. On 
those occasions nothing passed from you to shake 
my present views — much to strengthen them. You 
will, perhaps, start at this, remembering the isolated 
passages of scripture you brought forward, suppos- 
ing them capable of overturning doctrines founded 
on the whole tenor of scripture. But I shall not 
detain you to speak on this subject ; but bear w T ith 
me, while I remark upon the expression you used, 
as referring to the Blessed Virgin being called in a 
Catholic book ' the Mother of God.' It was, you 
said, blasphemous. At the moment you made use 



132 

of the expression, I was so utterly astonished at 
such a term being applied to such a subject, by a 
Bible clergyman, I really forgot every thing, in a 
feeling of deep humility and gratitude, that to me 
such blessed realities should ever have been re- 
vealed, while the wise, and the great, and sometimes 
the good, (for you are a good man, and too good a 
one to remain in a faith that cannot be maintained 
and proved, before the learned and the unlearned, 
the talented and ignorant) are left uncalled. 

" What can I do for you ? One thing I have in 
my power, and cannot be prevented using it; I can 
pray for you, and I will. But may I beg of you to 
open your Bible, which, you profess, directs you, 
and from which you declare your rule of faith to be 
drawn, doing all it commands, and refraining from 
all it forbids, and tell me if the following passages 
do not declare Mary ever blessed, to be the Mother 
of God : Isaiah vii. 14, ix. 6; Matt. i. 18, 20, 23 ; 
Luke i. 35, 42, 43, 44, 45, 48, xxviii. 37 ; Acts i. 
14, xx. 28. If they do not, then as a Protestant 
I could but despair, since my very mother tongue 
must be re-studied to enable me rightly to under- 
stand this rule of faith, which according to my pre- 
sent knowledge of English, leads me to a directly 
opposite view to yours. So, what is to be done % 
What Protestant can hope for heaven, if to get 
there it be necessary to live up to their rule of faith, 
and yet the talent necessary to understand it aright 
is such that even their own ministers cannot trust 



133 

themselves to speak or declare their rule to one of 
a different faith? Oh! what, tell me, is to become 
of the ignorant, and unlearned 1 ? must they all 
perish? No, no; let them come into that church, 
which has a rule adapted to all capacities and 
understandings, and in doing so they will do well ; 
for it will be the faith God himself intended for 
them, as God, in justice, could never have sent a 
rule of faith so difficult to be understood, and so 
incapable of being defended and proved. Indeed, my 
dear sir, I cannot but wonder how it is possible to 
raise a doubt as to the propriety of calling the Bless- 
ed Virgin ■ Mother of God,' for if our Lord Jesus 
Christ be God, as I conceive is clearly stated 
above, how can the Blessed Virgin be anything 
but Mother of God! This is the faith the apostles 
taught us, although they made not use of the word. 
But you will say, perhaps, is Mary then the mother 
of the deity 1 My answer is, that being mother of 
the man, who was united to the eternal word, so as 
to form one person, she ought to be called the Mo- 
ther of God, though not the mother of the deity. 
Besides, all Protestants acknowledge the four first 
councils of the church, and, at the third, at Ephesus, 
Nestorius, a bishop, was excommunicated for ex- 
actly saying as you do, that Mary was not Mother 
of God. You will find the above remarks in St. 
Cyrill's writings in Butler's Lives of the Saints, 
which fell under my notice, since I last saw you. I 
am sure I need not try further to prove my sincerity, 
12 



134 

but would to God you would inwardly resolve to 
investigate this matter, yes, even at all hazards — 
your reward would be great. More I cannot there- 
fore do than pray for you, which I do in all sin- 
cerity. 

" Yours, 

" FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
" March 30, 1842." 

(his reply.) 

"Dear Madam, 

An unusual pressure of urgent duties, has pre- 
vented me from answering your letter before now, 
and, even now, my reply must be brief. 

11 You are entirely mistaken in supposing that 
I feel a moment's doubt or hesitation respecting the 
infallibility of the rule of faith on which I rest — 
and your misapprehensions in this respect, notwith- 
standing the repeated declarations I have made to 
you on the subject, prove to me how correct I have 
been in resolving not to discuss the matter before 
you — prove, indeed, how absurd it would have been 
for me to have entertained the proposal for a mo- 
ment.* The texts you adduce respecting the ex- 
pression ■ Mother of God,' you must allow me to 
say, are completely wide of the mark; they tend to 



* Strange, if I was so much mistaken, that in less than 
nine months after the date of this letter, thi3 worthy gen- 
tleman should have dissented from the church, forsaken his 
parish and flock, to become a nonintrusionist ! 



: 



135 

prove the divinity of Christ, which doctrine I hold, 
but they leave the expression entirely unsupported ; 
and I therefore repeat what I said before, that it is 
unscrtptural as well as unreasonable, blasphemous 
as well as false. 

11 1 beg to return Wiseman's book, which I have 
read. It bears the stamp of the writer's mind, 
learning, ingenuity, and plausibility ; but sooner 
might you build a castle on a cobweb, than the 
doctrine of transubstantiation upon his argument. 
In spite of all his talent and his special pleadings, 
the doctrine hangs like a millstone about his neck, 
heavy in its iniquity, dishonouring to God, idola- 
trous in its practice, and ruinous in its conse- 
quences. I beg you to excuse this short reply to 
your long letter ; but you must, I think, be aware, 
that all, which appears so new and attractive, and 
convincing to you, is neither the one nor the other 
to me ; and you ought not to expect me to give the 
time to write out formal refutations of errors, which 
have been repeatedly and fully exposed from the 
press. I cannot do more than express the bitter- 
ness of sorrow, that I feel for the fatal step you 
have taken, and my earnest prayer that you may 
yet be recovered out of the snare which has been 
laid for you. 

Yours very truly, 

D. T. K. D." 

Need I produce more facts, to excuse my- 



136 

self to those of my family, who may read 
what I here have stated. Will any condemn 
me for the choice I have made ? My case 
stands thus : I find my soul in danger, — I 
first apply to a bishop of my former church 
to come forward and save it, at the same 
time pointing out the danger and the enemy 
which threatened it ; but he says, " No, / 
cannot face the enemy openly — I must 
know your mind first, for fear I should fight 
with weapons unsuitable and unavaila- 
ble !" Then I try a second — a man with 
less policy, but more courage than the pru- 
dent bishop, and he says, " oh, yes ; I will 
meet this dreaded man ;" but before they 
are five minutes together, he acts on the 
principle of a good retreat being better than 
a bad stand, and up he starts, and runs out 
of the room. 

Then others, I am told, are ready to come 
to my succour, but when the danger draws 
near, they urge they cannot come privately, 
for fear of dissension, but they would come 
publicly and openly, by which, they knew, 
if they had not the advantage in argument, 



137 

they would, at least in numbers, as all there 
dissent from the enemy they dared not meet. 
And lastly, another offers his assistance, be- 
cause he could not resist my importunity, 
but it must be behind a screen! 

All this, on the one hand, whereas, on the 
other, I find the greatest readiness to do 
everything or anything, that my soul requires 
to make it at peace with its Maker. The 
true Shepherd says, " Yes, I will brave dan- 
ger for even one of my Master's sheep, even 
to the loss of all things ; for life, to me, is 
only worth having, as I can make it the 
means of succouring and protecting those, 
over whom I have beeji appointed a shep- 
herd." — I have made my choice, and those 
who will condemn me must. 

More reasons, I could give, for this great, 
this glorious change, yes, this happy, this 
peaceful change. Many more, indeed, I 
could give, but will the patience of the 
reader bear with me, in an addition so 
unnecessary ? Will not every candid, un- 
prejudiced heart, with one spark of sincerity 
or truth in its composition, pronounce me 
12* 



138 

guiltless. To have resisted, would have 
been to have fought against God, and, 
though most unworthy of the great honour 
of being called to bear a reproached name, 
for Christ's sake, nevertheless, the grace has 
been given me, and I must declare it, though 
with fear and trembling, lest, as he has not 
spared some of the natural branches, so He 
might not spare me, an ingrafted one. But 
through the power of that daily food, pre- 
pared for my soul, I will hope unto the end. 
I am happy, more than happy. I have ob- 
tained a possession for myself, and an inhe- 
ritance for my children, as rich as it is un- 
expected, as satisfactory as it is secure. 

My Bible is now a treasure to me beyond 
all price ; it led me to Catholicity, and, as 
a Catholic, I can render it the honour due 
to it. To me, it is infallible, because I have 
it from an infallible Church. No more, to 
me, belongs the prerogative of hearing my 
preacher to condemn him. I know, if he 
holds not truth, he never could be in the 
place where my instructor stands. And 
my Bible is to me like a beautiful picture, 



139 

reflecting some renowned artist's sublime 
imagination. I can contemplate the light 
and shade with rapture, as long as I have 
them as he left them, but let some presump- 
tuous student bedaub it, with his unskilful 
touches, and I turn, with disgust and dissa- 
tisfaction, from what was, originally, instruc- 
tive as beautiful. 

After feasting my soul till Easter week, 
in the dear land of my soul's birth, I re- 
turned to Dublin, but not to the happy 
home, nor to the embrace of those dear 
ones, whom I had so lately left. — A mo- 
ther's love had weathered the storm — she 
came to meet me, but her love was changed. 
She came to mourn over her disgraced child 
— she came to conduct me to cold and lonely 
lodgings, and to break to me the news, that 
I rendered myself unfit longer to be the 
guardian or protectress of my children, and 
that those children could no longer gladden 
my heart with their presence, at least, not 
until their father's wishes were known upon 
the subject. She came, in short, to mingle 
her tears with mine — to mourn over the 



140 

wreck I was reduced to, but to avert which 
I had no power. But let me pass over this 
moment of agony — this moment, in which 
nature was tried to its extent, but over which 
grace had a glorious and a complete victory. 
However, to prove my case still further, I 
shall copy a letter I had occasion to write 
to the Rev. J. G — g, a great star ! before 
whom, my beloved and well-intentioned 
father insisted I should come, to be shown 
the fallacy of all my new notions. As 
this great man, by his own account, was 
about to turn the whole Catholic world 
Protestants, he was in consequence just the 
man to annihilate me. I cannot refrain from 
giving this letter, because by it will be seen 
what passed between us, and an additional 
instance given of the instability and uncer- 
tainty of the Protestant faith, and of the 
insufficiency of Protestant argument. My 
dear father was present during this meeting, 
and as I felt over anxious on his account as 
to the defence I should make, I, in conse- 
quence, omitted some things, which I could 
not rest, till I had repaired by the following 
letter : — 



141 

" Rev. Sir, 

" It is not, when most depends upon our words, 
that we are always able to choose the best. The 
very importance we attach to our defence, when 
arraigned before a judge, incapacitates us for mak- 
ing a good one ; hence, it is, that the laws of our 
country have provided for persons so situated. 

u It was something of this kind prevented me, 
when brought up before you to give a reason for my 
change of faith, from saying much, that, under other 
circumstances, I should have said. I felt most 
deeply, both for yourself and my beloved parent, 
who was by, knowing, that God could, if it pleased 
Him, through my words, remove the film from both 
your eyes, which has been strengthening with your 
strength, and forming since your birth. I felt, in 
short, over anxious, forgetting that my own inability 
and utter unw T orthiness, would but tend to God's 
greater glory. 

"The defence, therefore, which I could have 
made, I was incapable of doing, through my human 
frailty, and want of faith in God. 

11 During that meeting, you reminded me> that I 
should have to account before God, for every word 
that passed between us. This truth had caused 
me many prayers previous to seeing you, and now, 
urges me to make this effort, to endeavour to repair 
what I then left unsaid ; for I feel, 7, at least, was 
unfaithful to the trust committed to me, and the 
opportunity offered, of declaring God's truth. Bear 



142 

■with me, therefore, dear sir, and believe me, I am 
most sincere ; and pardon the apparent presumption 
of my supposing, that I, who am so ignorant and 
incapable, could direct you, who are so learned. 
Bear with me, I ask again, because I am sincere, 
and remember my presumption springs from the 
thoughts, that not many wise, not many learned, 
are called, but the foolish and the base of this world, 
and those that are not, to bring to nought those that 
are. With the timidity, therefore, of the little maid, 
who, venturing her simple appeal to a great king, 
was made the means of great results, do I hope to 
bear a message to you, sir, and to tell you, the 
argument you held against me, proved your faith 
unsound, and not according to Scripture. 

" Your first assertion against me was, that in be- 
coming a Catholic, I had forsaken my reason, my 
senses, and my Bible. Whatever answer I made 
you to this, I beg now to say, my reason, such as 
it is, led me to become a Catholic. Born and reared 
a Protestant, I should ever have remained such, had 
it not been for the good providence of God, who 
directed me to one, who inquired of me, why, and 
against what I was protesting. I said, ' the errors 
of popery,' (the same, I suppose, that you termed 
their weak points, and, upon which, you assured 
my father, you were so capable of attacking them). 
I was naturally requested to name them. I did so, 
one after the other. To many of my charges, I was 
answered, ' they were not Catholic doctrine at all, 



143 

only Protestant conception of them.' The rest were 
proved to me to be scriptural. It now became my 
turn to inquire, what Catholic doctrine really was, 
for I found out I knew nothing of it; and, I con- 
fess, I had the sincerity about me, to believe, the 
faith I had would stand any test, otherwise, reason 
told me it could not be from God, and, if not, the 
sooner I changed it the better, no matter what the 
results. When I heard what the Catholic faith 
really was, I was compelled to assent to its being 
most reasonable. That faith has existed unaltered 
through all generations, the chain reaches unbroken, 
from Christ to the present hour ; whereas the Pro- 
testant faith, I knew to have sprung out of the Re- 
formation, (falsely so called), commenced by Luther, 
who has himself, left on record, that in his religious 
opinions, he stood alone in the world ; therefore, my 
reason told me, that the faith which commenced 
three hundred years ago, could not be the faith 
which Jesus Christ had left us, eighteen hundred 
years ago. I also know, from history, that the Pro- 
testant articles of belief, were in the reign of Henry 
VIII. but six ; that afterwards, in the reign of Ed- 
ward VI. they were changed to forty-two; and 
lastly, that in Elizabeth's day, they were, as now, 
thirty-nine. My reason told me, all this was not 
of God. Therefore, by my reason, so far, I became 
a Catholic. Blame the reason if you like, that is 
quite another point, but, such as it was, it wat it 
led me into Catholicity, 



144 

" My dear sir, try and forget, for one moment, 
that word, so horrible to Protestants, ' Catholic,' 
and also, the creature who addresses you, and ask 
yourself, what it was Christ promised his disciples, 
as the head of his Church. He promised them his 
Holy Spirit ; and that that Holy Spirit should guide 
them to all truth, and, if he did guide them into all 
truth, and if they fell from it afterwards, as you say, 
what becomes of the second part of his promise, 
that he would be with them all days, even to the 
end of the world ? What was the use of sending 
truth to the disciples, to benefit all the world, if 
those that followed were to forsake and fall from it? 
No, no, sir; the Scripture abounds with promises 
to Christ's Church, that once He gave Himself for 
the redemption of man, He would never forsake his 
Church or people afterwards. He also has said, 
that His Church shall be without spot or wrinkle, 
and that in it there should be but one Lord, one faith, 
and one baptism, one fold ,-. and let me ask you, sir, 
where is the oneness of anything Protestant T We 
hear of such a Protestant minister being so cele- 
brated, but, is it not, I ask you, honestly, the next 
question, what doctrine does he preach? The Bible, 
I say, is replete with promises to the Church, of 
God. Look to Isaiah ch. 54, indeed the whole of 
Isaiah. And what does Christ say in the New 
Testament 1 ' Whosoever hears you, hears me ; and 
whosoever rejects you, rejects me. For I will never 
leave you, nor forsake you; I will be with you 



145 

always, even to the end of the world.' Think of 
all this, dear sir, and tell me, did Christ forsake his 
Church from the sixth to the fifteenth century, as 
Protestants say ] oh, surely not, when He said He 
never would. Think not, because I say, as Christ 
said, there should be but one fold, that I exclude 
any. No ; if a Catholic rejoices at his being in this 
fold, he never forgets, that Christ also said, ' He 
had sheep of another fold, which He would also 
bring.' The silent prayer, therefore, of every good 
and sincere Catholic is, that each dear friend and 
relative, in the Protestant faith, may be of that fold, 
and may yet be brought into it. Such, my dear sir, 
though you may not be able to appreciate it, is my 
earnest prayer for you and others. 

" Your next point against me was, that I had for- 
saken my senses. So far from having forsaken 
them, I find them all called into daily exercise now, 
whereas as a Protestant, as far as religion was con- 
cerned, I never used them at all. I now see the 
beauty of truth, I now feel the benefits resulting from 
it, I now hear the gospel promises, I now have a 
foretaste of their fulfilment, and lastly, I have a 
sweet smelling savour of what shall be given both 
here and hereafter/to those who remain firm until 
death, to the measure of grace delivered to them ; 
whereas, as a Protestant I knew the truth was beau- 
tiful, but I could not see it ; I therefore prayed hard 
that I might, and God has more than answered me. 
I did not feel the benefit of the truth, but I prayed 

13 



146 

that I might, and God has in this also heard me ; 
for now that I possess it, I not only know it, but 
am satisfied to the full. 1 heard the Gospel, it is 
true, but in such a variety of forms and shapes, that 
I was unable to decide which was the perfection of 
truth, until I had recourse to my stronghold ' pray- 
er' to be directed which to choose, and I have been 
at last enabled to decide. I had also a foretaste, 
but it was only that, one day, I should possess what 
/ now enjoy, and a sweet smelling savour of what 
my soul is now inhaling to its unspeakable joy and 
peace. 

" The third and last point was my Bible, that I 
had forsaken it. Now, we will suppose for one 
minute, that I have, am I worse off than the thou- 
sands who lived and died for the first ninety-six 
years after Christ's death? There was no Bible 
then at all. But I will go even further, and ask 
now, am I worse off than the myriads and myriads 
who lived and died for the first 1500 years after 
Christ 1 There was as good as no Bible then. 
Were all these souls lost then for want of a Bible 1 
if not, then I hope to be saved as they were. But 
I w r ill not allow I have forsaken my Bible, for I 
know and feel it is only now I can truly appreciate it. 

" Speaking of the Blessed Sacrament being really 
the body and blood of Christ, as Catholics believe 
it, you first asserted there was not one passage in 
scripture to warrant such a supposition, and next, 
that it was contrary to reason. 



147 

u Now, as to the first I asked you, was it a point 
conceded, that I understood English 1 You did me 
the favour to suppose it. I then referred you to the 
sixth chapter of St. John, where Christ declares this 
mystery. The disciples and the Jews, who were 
by, said, but how, for like you sir, they understood 
him literally, and thought it contrary to reason. 
However, our Blessed Saviour, instead of enlight- 
ening them, which surely he would, if the case 
would have admitted of it, simply answers them, ' I 
tell you, upon oath, verily, verily it is my flesh, and 
unless ye eat of it, ye shall have no life in you.' 
And again, for fear there should be any misconcep- 
tion about it, as he had chosen that substance to 
convey himself to the world, he goes on to say, he 
that eats me, even he shall live by me. At this, even 
his very disciples murmured, and some forsook him 
for the saying; but he merely said to them, does 
this offend you, if so, how much more will ye be 
offended when ye see me rise whole and entire to 
my father in heaven? Oh, sir, I ask you, would 
not our Saviour have explained, if he could, to have 
saved those who forsook him 1 — but no, he does it 
not. When I had finished, you very quietly told 
me, I had made a great mistake, for that chapter did 
not apply to the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper at 
all. This was something quite new, however, I 
turned to the eleventh chapter of 1 Cor. 29th verse, 
where it says, they who communicate unworthily, 
eat and drink their own damnation, not discerning 



148 

the Lord's body. I asked you if this referred to the 
Sacrament, to which you instantly replied yes: 
then I refer to the marginal reference of my Oxford 
Bible, and it refers me from that passage to the 
sixth chapter of John. Now sir, I ask you, is it 
likely God would damn us for not discerning what 
by your account is not there to be discerned ? or 
what am I or any Protestant to do 1 We are told to 
examine our Bible, and compare scripture with 
scripture, and either my Bible has led me astray, or 
you are under a mistake. Which it must be, I leave 
you to decide. 

" Having gained this advantage over you, you 
instantly changed the subject, and urged the unrea- 
sonableness of the doctrine of transubstantiation. It 
was contrary, you insisted, to reason, for indeed 
neither reason nor sense will permit us to believe 
such a doctrine. But that you, a Bible clergyman, 
should condemn my belief on such grounds, not a 
little surprises me, and, indeed I am sure, any can- 
did person would allow such an unexpected charge, 
was enough to put me off my defence. 

" I now beg to tell you, sir, it is not by reason 
nor by sense, my Catholic hopes are to be saved, 
but by faith, and that transubstantiation is above 
both, I allow, but not more so than the incarnation 
of our Lord. I remember I said this to you, and you 
answered yes, but, we saw our Lord. Now, al- 
though I cannot exactly agree with you there, for I 
never saw him, yet I will suppose the case that you 



149 

did see him, Christ says, blessed are they who not 
having seen shall believe. Besides, supposing you 
did see him, it was only the man Jesus you saw ; 
but of what avail would believing in Christ's man- 
hood be, unless you added his Godhead also 1 Is it, 
therefore, according to reason, I would ask you, that 
God was born man in a stable, of a Virgin, and suf- 
fered death to redeem man ? If it be, your reasoning 
powers must differ from all your fellow men ; if it 
is not, therf you believe it not according to reason, 
or what is still more probable, you do not believe it 
at all. 

" But I would ask you once more, is the doctrine 
of the Blessed Trinity according to reason] I am 
sure you cannot say yes, and yet, I know, you dare 
not say you do not believe it. It cannot be that you 
will say as in the case of Christ, that you have seen 
the Blessed Trinity. Do you sir believe this doc- 
trine] If so, it is not according to reason you 
believe — thousands, I know, think it contrary to 
reason, but they are consistent for holding your 
argument, they reject it from their creed, for its 
unreasonableness. It therefore follows, either you 
are inconsistent, or you believe not according to 
reason. I would also ask you, if reason were our 
only rule in the reception of scripture, what man in 
his senses could proceed further than the first page 
of either Testament 1 

" Once more you asked me to explain how this 
change could be effected — I will promise to tell you, 

13* 



150 

if you will first explain to me how five loaves and 
three small fishes, after feeding 5000 persons, were 
more than would fill twelve baskets. Oh ! sir, 
indeed to be free of your Lord, I must tell you such 
reasoning is not of God. I may say so from the 
authority of scripture, for it tells us, N it is hy faith 
we must be saved, and faith is the evidence of things 
not seen, whereas you condemn me because I believe 
without being able to see, feel, and taste, 

"My dear sir, pardon me, but I must return your 
own words upon you, and remind you we shall all 
three have to account for what passed the morning I 
saw you. I now humble myself before God, and 
entreat he will give me grace to profit by what 
passed, and pardon all that I was deficient in. You, 
sir, if you are a sincere man, will do the same; but 
I tremble when I think of how you deceived my 
parent, and of the account you will have to render 
for those words you uttered. Such words and such 
reasoning from a Protestant minister, ought to have 
sounded as a trumpet in his ear, telling him all was 
not right, that he had been deceived, and that he 
was reared to believe a lie. It should at least have 
stirred him up to search, and to arouse himself, for 
if such should be the case, the time is little enough 
to repair the error of a whole life. He is sincere 
sir, I pray God so may you be ; but for him I am as 
importunate with God, as ever Dives was to Abra- 
ham for his five brethren. I pray also for you, sir, 
although faith, that is not strong, can hope nothing 



151 

for you ; for as it is hard for a camel to go through 
the eye of a needle, so hard is it for a rich man, or 
one who derives his riches from preaching a false 
faith, to be converted. But with God nothing is 
impossible. Faith is His especial gift, and I know 
full well, unless He bestow it, one would rise from 
the dead in vain to produce it. Christ said himself, 
* no man can come unto me unless my Father draw 
him,' oh then, sir, if ever it be your lot to be thus 
drawn, and I hope it may, as you told me your own 
mother had been a Catholic, and as she now, I 
trust, pleads for you in heaven, oh, forget not then 
to undo by your testimony, and your prayers, what 
you did that morning to keep my father in the dark- 
ness of unbelief. I commit you both to God, who 
is merciful and just, and remain most respectfully, 
" Your humble servant, 
"FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 

To this letter I never received an answer. 
One would have thought this zealous man 
would have thought it worth his while to 
make one effort, by way of reply, to recover 
the sheep that had strayed ; but no — a soul 
who could believe such an absurdity, as that 
a part of a thing could ever become a whole, 
(as in the case of each host becoming a 
whole Christ,) was not worth a thought. 



152 

This was another of his arguments against 
our receiving Christ whole and entire in the 
Sacrament. Oh folly, folly, such reasoning 
indeed should be sufficient to awake one 
out of their slumber — but, alas ! it is not. 
Fancy a reasonable mind on all other sub- 
jects, being able to say, "my children I 
wish you to be read and fully instructed on 
all subjects, save one, and on that subject I 
command you never to hear or read a line 
— that subject the Catholic faith— and fancy 
children arrived at the years of discretion 
satisfied, because a secret voice tells them, 
that to examine into Catholicity they must 
embrace it. But I will forbear while I am 
in the land of prayer, I will pray and hope 
for the * parent who issued the command, 
and for the sisters and brothers who quietly 
assented to it. 

One word more and then I conclude. To 
you who still condemn me, I would simply 
ask, will you answer for my soul at the 
great and final day of judgment, or think 
you it will avail you, should you hear the 
great judge declare, I had saved my soul by 



153 

becoming a Catholic — think you, I say, it 
will avail you to urge, you thought I was 
wrong? No, you know such an excuse will 
not avail you then, and you also know you 
will not be responsible for me — therefore, 
my word to you is to take heed to your- 
selves. 

But to those, who may be more just and 
reasonable, and who allow I had just cause 
for this change, even to them, I leave my 
last charge, search for yourselves — for if I 
had reason to change, so is there reason you 
should do so also. See what this religion 
is, that is so universally despised and abused, 
and still has power, as with the strength of 
iron, to hold and retain those, who enrol 
themselves on her lists, and those most 
firmly, who once were most clamorous 
against her. — Search, I say, for yourselves, 
and think not you overcome the truth, when 
you commit it to the flames ; no, if it meets 
no better defeat than this, it is but consumed, 
to rise up in judgment against you. 

Search, therefore, from the only source 
you can depend upon.— Would you condemn 



r " 'Hfl-fS, 

a Protestant, for his belief, on the testimony 
of an infidel? No, you would not; — ithen, 
refuse not to Catholics, what you would 
demand for yourself. Go then, to those to 
whom her faith is confided, to her clergy- 
men, who are devoted to her interests, 
though other motives are charged upon 
them. Go to them, I say again, who have 
given up all for their Master's service ; they 
are public property, the poor man's friend 
as well as the rich, and whose reward is, to 
win souls into Christ's fold. Speak not ill 
of these men, until you have been eye-wit- 
ness to their evil deeds, and when you wit- 
ness it, remember there was a Judas ! Go, 
and may God only deal with you as gra- 
ciously and as generously as he has with 
me ; and give you but an equal share of joy 
and peace, and your soul will be more than 
satisfied— more than rewarded, for all it 
may have suffered, in the trials unavoidable 
in changing any faith, be it what it may, for 
Catholicity. 

FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
March, 1842. 



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